I think most of you know I’m a boy only mama, but for those of you who don’t know, I have two pretty cool dudes, ages 15 and 8.
Both of my boys like to keep their hair kind of long, but my youngest has a goal to grow his hair as long as humanly possible without giving me a heart attack.
We’re beginning to run into the hair being an issue in public. Complete strangers mistake him for a girl all.the.time. The first time it happened I was a little taken back, but it’s been so many times since that I’m used to it by now. Still, I won’t make him cut it.
“When you gonna cut that hair?”, seems to be the question people ask little boys with long hair, but he holds on hard to his resolve and won’t give into the comments. This boy loves his hair.
I feel like some people wonder why I let him keep it so long. After they make comments to him they usually look up at me, the parent. I usually just shrug and say, “He likes it!”. I know plenty of moms close to me that wouldn’t allow this length for their own boys, and I don’t think people always get it when it comes to why I let my son have long hair.
Back last January, I talked him into cutting his hair and it didn’t turn out so great.
I had become one of those mothers who nagged her son about cutting his hair so much that he finally broke down and listened to me. I was always trying to talk him into something shorter. Something more “clean cut”. I had never intended on becoming this mother, but it happened. I cared what other people thought about me based on my kid’s hair style.
I didn’t want him running around looking like a hooligan. Yes, I just used the word hooligan. So, I convinced him to cut it. I didn’t take him kicking or screaming or anything. He actually wanted the hair cut in the moment, but in hind sight, I know it was only to make me happy.
I knew as soon as we got in the car and started for home that I had made a huge mistake. I could see the uncertainty wash over his face in my rear view mirror, and even though I knew I was wrong, I tried to pretend it was no big deal. “It’s just hair, honey. It will grow back in no time!”
Once the reality of the hair cut sunk in, he was devastated. He cried himself to sleep that night and spent most of the next day in tears. It wasn’t a whining thing, either. He was truly heartbroken, and I was ashamed of myself.
Sad is not this kid. He wears a smile on his face at all times. He’s full of life and energy! He’s an artist at heart and lives to express himself. He never stops talking, moving, thinking, or doing. He wears me out most days, but he’s so full of life that he lights up a room!
He is never sad.
He has always had a natural confidence and has never cared what other people think. Ever. Even when it’s the girl toy at McDonald’s or a hot pink T-ball bat, he does not care if it’s not the norm.
Until of course, people like me and the rest of the world start breaking him down by making him feel like he can’t express himself with a simple hair style.
I won’t be that mom again.
If I don’t let him express himself now, can you imagine what kind of challenge this could be in future? It won’t be hair, either. It will be something that’s actually important. He’s got a little bit of a rebellious streak. He likes to go his own way. I should be molding and shaping him, not stifling him.
Sure, maybe this all sounds a bit dramatic. Some people would say it’s just a hair cut, but for a few days after I took him for that cut, he wasn’t the same. He lost a little bit of his spunk and smile and it was all my fault.
It’s not just a hair cut. Not to him.
In that moment I knew I would never talk him into cutting his hair every again. I even promised him that he could grow it as long as he wants. Lord, help me. I told him I saw how much it meant to him and promised to let him be about it in the future.
That was last January.
I wonder just how long he’ll go?
What’s your take on boys and long hair?
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I think it can be really hard to honor who are kids REALLY are when there are so many outside pressures of conformity from society. Malone (4) also wears his hair longer. It’s his choice. He wants to look like a shaggy surfer . We get it trimmed a few times a year when it starts to bother him (or he fights me about brushing it). He had picture day this past week at preschool and raided my jewelry drawer for the big day. He went to school sporting a rainbow necklace, rainbow bracelet, and a flower barrette. I sought his teacher out ahead of time to make sure she knew it was okay for him to sport is “fabulous gear” a he called it and then worried about him getting teased all day. Thankfully, not many did. And those who did say something to him, he replied to them with “you just wish YOU COULD BE so fab.”
NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner recently posted..{Big Girl Panties} Medicine Cabinet Jenga.. aka the project I’ve been avoiding
Haha! That’s awesome. And? What a great blog post when those pictures come in! I could see my son having done that in preschool too! He was about that age when he sported a purple hoodie and hot pink t-ball bat! He loved that thing! 😉
I feel like there is so much in this world that kids can’t control. Hair is something that will grow back (or can be cut later) and it is a simple place to give our kids room to make their own decision. That is a super important step. And it is why my daughter is currently rocking a super short style with just a hint of little purple streaks that have mostly grown out..
You are an awesome mom.
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Exactly! Is a safe zone for them to express themselves. I had to learn that the hard way. Thanks!
I have a boy that likes long hair too. Right now it’s not long…his dad is always after him to get it cut. But he never gives in and I don’t push it too hard. It’s gotten to the point when my daughter offered to braid it for him. He doesn’t care, he just likes it long. It wouldn’t be as bad if he’d take care of it, but it gets to the point where it’s just scraggly. This summer his uncle bribed him when we were visiting…$40 to cut his hair and he’d pay for the haircut. My son couldn’t resist that one. He loves cash! LOL And honestly, I don’t think he minded it short so much, because his dad just took him the other day again and he doesn’t seem too upset about it. My oldest son went thru this phase too. It’s easier not to fight it. 🙂
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Pick and choose our battles, right? I don’t even think my son would take the cash! And yes, scraggly is not cool. His hair has far exceeded the scraggly stage, but I am just waiting. I started in on him over the weekend and had to remind myself to lay off. My husband is the opposite. He had long hair when he was a kid, and he’s pro let him do what he wants with it. Dad’s got his back on this one!
I think letting his hair grow is perfectly fine! He is really getting his own personality and allowing him to express himself the way he wants and feels comfortable has to be a good thing, right? I think it’s awesome!
Jen recently posted..Fall Decorating Ideas and Blog Hop
I so get this. For my son, it’s not hair, but it’s my allowing him to wear super hero costumes in public – at the age of 8. It’s an innocent way for him to express himself – as is your child’s long hair. You go, mama.
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You know, it’s easy for me to sit here and say I would be fine with my kid having a haircut that would make people comment. I don’t doubt I would put pressure on at some point, but I feel like if I experienced what you went through that I would give a bit more leeway.
I couldn’t wait to read this when I saw the title. I laughed so hard when you said hooligan!! haha. My son is not quite two yet, but I am letting his hair grow out. He’s got curly hair so…it’s been interesting for me to figure how to manage it. My oldest has the same kind of hair he does, but I could clip her hair back with bows since she’s a girl… but with a boy it’s different. I still get frustrated when people confuse my boy for a girl. I mean, his hair is not even past his chin yet…but I guess the “norm” for boys is that they have super short hair. One of my brothers had longish hair (shoulder length) and I loved it. I really REALLY don’t know what the big deal is about boys having long hair. It’s clean right? (well for the most part hahahaha but that’s the case with girls though too!). Hey! Your two boys are about 7yrs apart??? My first and second are that exact same age gap :o) Not often do I “meet” other families who have kids “so far apart” :o) Anywho, loved this! :o)
Oh, this post resonated with me so much. My son, now 23, wore his hair long for quite some time. I admit to having some feelings early on of “what will the other moms think of me, or our family’s culture” or whatever, but then I realized that hair is not in any way relative to the character of the person. It’s a way to be an individual and show some originality. (And besides, he looks really good in longish hair!) He wears it a little shorter now, for professional reasons, (but it’s still long in front!), and I’ve never regretted letting him choose the way he wanted to wear his hair. He’s a very creative and original person. (P.S. Your son is a cutie!)
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Thank you! He is a cutie and can totally pull off the whole long hair thing. I let myself get caught up in appearances. I mean we’re already homeschoolers! Now with this hair, we’ve totally crossed over to hippies! LOL It’s so sill to worry about what other people think, but even as adults we need reminders to let go of those insecurities. I want him to remain confident and his hair is important to him! 😉
I say let it be as long as he can style it and take care if it himself. I hate doing my own hair, so if it was my sons I wouldn’t want to do another head of hair.
i’ve used to let both of my boys’ hair grow long. but a couple of years ago, i gave in to the negative comments from people around (mainly older male family members) and started getting the boys’ hair cut. my younger one doesn’t seem to care much one way or the other, but i could tell that my older son only went along with the haircuts to appease others. finally, after a particularly emotional (and BAD) cut this past spring, i sat him down and asked what he thought of his long hair. and he loves it, and much like your son, was so upset about the haircut he’d just gotten. so we decided together that he doesn’t ever have to have another haircut if he doesn’t want it, and i (politely) tell those older males to keep their mouths shut about it. (by the way, love your boy’s hair! what a doll!)
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I say pick your battles. And hair is not a battle I’ll fight. My daughter’s hair would honestly look better shorter, but she likes it long, so I let her wear it long. My 7 year-old likes to spike his hair, and several family members make comments about how much better it’d look combed down. But it’s just hair.
There are so many other internal characteristics that I’m much more concerned about, and those are the ones I choose to spend my time and energy shaping.
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It’s his head and his hair and if he wants it long what harm is it as Shana said you need to pick your battles and hair is such a minor thing and I can’t see the point in fighting over it. When my girls were little I remember saying to them if they wanted long hair that was fine as long as it was washed and brushed and didn’t look untidy and dirty, if it did and they wouldn’t do anything about it then I was having it cut like it or not, only had to drag them to the hairdresser once to prove my point
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I hope he never cuts it! People need to learn to keep their mouths shut and their opinions to themselves. Especially when it comes to our kids. I remember when Cassie decided to play “hairdresser” and we ended up having to cut ALL of her hair off.. she went for weeks with people calling her a boy and she was SO devastated that it took me YEARS before I could convincer her to even let us trim it.
Kristen Daukas recently posted..When YOUR Kid Is the Bully
Awww! That stinks. Yes, when it happens to my son, he just looks at me and rolls his eyes or something. I just tell him he’s so beautiful people just can’t believe he’s a boy. He knows the the hair comes with a price and he’ says, “it’s worth it!” all the time. Even when I’m helping him brush out the tangles, he’s happy.
This is fantastic!!! Let him be who he wants to be, it’s hair, just hair. Kudos to you for making such an awesome stand… of course I’ve got gobs of hair & wouldn’t have it any other way, finally talked my Hubs into growing his hair out… LOL, but, to each his own. I love this post! 🙂
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Thank you, Amber! My husband used to have long hair. He’s definitely an advocate for letting him do what he wants with it!
Love it! I have two boys and they both choose to keep their hair short but when my younger son started growing his a few years ago, my mother was all over me about getting his hair cut. Ultimately, I let him decide and it was really because he was going away to summer camp and didn’t want to be so hot that he ended up wanting it cut. My 9-year-old daughter, however, has hair almost down to her butt and REFUSES to get it cut! And she will barely ever let me pull it back in a pony tail unless she is playing soccer (and it’s mandatory). Not sure how this one is going to play out…Keep us posted on yours :)! Thanks for the great post!
Julie Burton recently posted..Parents: Sometimes Saying Yes Is Not About Giving In, It’s Just About Giving
Thanks Julie! I will definitely keep you posted!
I’ve got the hair issue with my boy as well. He thinks it looks awesome and I miss his cute crew! lol! Awesome blog Adrienne..we’ve got to talk girlfriend! I’ve got lots of questions! 😉
When my oldest was 2, he has the cutest hair – slightly long, wavy, and messy. I loved it. LOVED IT.
My mother-in-law broke my heart (and my husband’s) when she took her scissors to his hair. She can’t stand when my boys’ hair get long. She even cut the baby’s hair when it got long. He’d never had his hair cut before then. SIGH.
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I love my boys with long hair. 🙂
I look at it this way- if I had a little girl who wanted to get a short haircut, I’d let her. So why not let a boy have long hair?
Shell recently posted..10 Things to Smile About: October
I’m with you all the way. It’s HIS hair. Unless he’s never washing it and it’s becoming a health hazard – let it grow. When my son was in middle school he grew his hair out. I had no problem with it – his dad (we are divorced) gave him all kinds of grief. He finally caved and cut it. Now he’s 20 and growing it out again =D it looks great!
I completely agree with you 🙂 My youngest likes his hair longer so there may be a time when he doesn’t want haircuts anymore and that will be his choice. I have a similar post entitled, “Why I let my boys pick out their own clothes.” lol. They don’t match and sometimes it means we leave the house dressed like Buzz Lightyear or wearing a bike helmet to be a fireman. A part of the conviction for me is that if I demand a certain “look” from them, what is that teaching them about what’s really important? Great post 🙂
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully recently posted..Free Fall Fun Pack for Pre-K/K, 20+ Pages
Exactly, Crystal! We have to pick and choose our battles, and choosing wisely is hard sometimes. I’m a advocate for costumes in public! 😉
My teenage boys both have grown their hair, they have really quite enormous fro’s now. It’s their hair, they like it, I have no problem as long as they wash it now and again!
They do all get a lot of comments especially from older family members though.
It just feels like a way they can express themselves, like wearing a batman outfit to the shops when you are 4, it doesn’t really matter, they will cut it when they are ready, or not, it’s just hair!
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My oldest son (10) has hair down to his shoulders. He needs to wear a bandana to keep it out of his face, so he really looks like a hippie. People call him “she” all the time – I just correct them. Who cares? My oldest daughter (7) has a short androgynous bob and won’t wear a thing from the girls’ department. She is always being called “he.” Neither of them gives a hoot.
My husband has hair down to his waist, so in our family, gendered hair roles are a non-issue.
My three year old boy has a shaggy Beatles ‘do, and wears SpiderMan pajamas 24/7, including to preschool and social events. And my two year old daughter has yet to grow more than an inch of hair.
We just let them be who they are!
Love that your little guys wears the spiderman PJs. Love your attitude! 😉
Thanks! 🙂
I really have no problem with little boys who want their hair long. Its actually kind of cute. But what bugs me is when the mother is the one who wants it but even then often claims that its the boy’s idea or that they’re doing it for Locks of Love or something.
I have a neighbor whose 6 yr old son sports about mid-back length hair. Some days it’s straight, some days it’s in curls. And it’s not just the weather. I know mom fairly often uses a curling iron on it and recently my son came back from their house and told me Josh’s (the neighbor boy) had these things in his hair. After showing him my virtually-never used curlers – he was quite certain that’s what it was. This poor little boy was apparently running around with his hair in curlers. It certainly makes me wonder what she’s dressing the kid in when no one is around.
I just think that’s way over the top. Not exactly what I’d say is the way to bring up a boy with much chance of ever been masculine.
I am a mother of two teenage boys. Both have long hair and one actually has long dreads. I have always been the mom that has taught my children to be who they want to be. Not want society wants them to be. I have such a problem with people telling me and them that they should cut their hair. Why? Because you don’t like it! Hate that. I am all for letting children be able to express themselves. Go for it! Live boys with long hair.