I find myself worrying about the near future of my parenting journey. My oldest is 14, almost 15. The reality of parenting a child who will be old enough to vote in the next presidential election is increasingly overwhelming as the minutes of his life tick by. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
Soon I will lose the control I have over his life and he will begin making his own choices and decisions. Yes, I still have time, but I’d be a fool to not recognize how little that window is.
When I’m reminded that I am the one responsible for helping him find his way to becoming a successful adult I almost cringe at the thought. How can one who hasn’t even figured out her own life be a guide for someone else? What was God thinking when he entrusted this child to me so early in life? I feel just as ill-equipped in raising a teenager as I did holding a newborn almost 15 years ago.
Panic sets in and there are some days I feel completely incapable of this task of raising two men. How in the world do I get from here to where I hope to see them in 5 years, 10 years, even 20 years…
No, I won’t always be responsible for their choices or the path they take in life, but the time I have to influence their future is now. That’s the reality. I am their parent.
What am I doing to build a strong foundation for them?
I’m quickly reminded of the pride issue I have that is present in my own heart when it comes to my children’s future. I want them to be successful in life, but what does that actually look like?
Do I want them to be successful so they are happy and following their dreams or do I desire their future success as a trophy in my own parenting case?
If I’m really honest, there’s a part of me that desires success for my children to prove I could do it. Their success in life would be proof that I didn’t screw it up. I think that we all want our kids to succeed in life not just for their own happiness, but to prove we didn’t totally suck as parents.
Sometimes I let my own worries and desires overshadow the big picture, anxiety sets in, and that’s when I know my heart isn’t focused where it should be.
When I put my own desires aside and actually focus on my children, I find some peace. I see their future, and I take a deep breath.
I want my kids to be happy, believe in themselves, and follow their dreams even if it doesn’t match my picture of their future.
I want my kids to grow up doing something they love. I want them to grow up loving themselves!
I want them to be confident, compassionate, and kind.
I want them to live a life full of Jesus, put God before all else, and truly believe that through Him anything is possible!
I want them to be loving and faithful husbands and fathers.
I want them to be the kind of men that children look up to and adults are inspired by.
I don’t want to hold them back.
God’s desire for my children is so much greater than anything I could ever hope for or imagine. I need to stop worrying so much and trust him in my parenting and allow him to lead me and guide me on this journey. He did chose me, and I have to trust that He knew what He was doing.
Do you ever find yourself in a parenting panic?
I’m linked up with Shell today for Pour Your Heart Out. If you aren’t familiar with it, you should be!
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