I shouldn’t be left alone.

4 Jan By

The boys are back from a sleepover at their Nana’s house. I missed them terribly over the last 24 hrs., but somehow it only took about five minutes of them being home to remind me of why I needed a break to begin with.

When my kids go off for the night I never really quite know what to do with myself. It doesn’t happen often, and when it does the break is usually long over due. I wish I could tell you that I relish in the time to myself and enjoy every single minute of it, but really I get anxiety and never fully relax like I dreamed I would before they were gone. I spend most of my time reminding myself to relax, which in turn only stresses me out. I’m sure that’s not healthy, but it is what it is. I had lots of ideas of what I would do with my day alone, but when the  the day finally came I was satisfied just doing laundry without answering four hundred questions.

 

I couldn’t even channel my time alone into a supertasic blog post. Instead I thought it useful to share a salad recipe with you. Really? The words salad and recipe are really sort of cracking me up now as a proofread this post. Does a salad need a recipe? I thought so yesterday.

I’d like to thank all of you that took the time to comment on my random salad post. You are truly my friends.

I digress.

When I’m not with the kids, I realize that I need an identity outside of being their mom. I’m just not sure what that is anymore. There’s a lot of things I think about doing, but that mean voice in my head tells me that I can’t right now. I know that I’m in a stage of life where the boys and my husband are my top priority, and for the most part I love my role as a wife and mom, but maybe there’s room for me to find a little piece of myself?

I don’t want to be old and look back at all the stuff I thought about doing. That’s depressing. I don’t want to be one of those crazy old mother-in-law types who are pathetically insecure and have no life of their own. Like Jane Fonda in that movie Monster-In-Law with Jennifer Lopez. I can just picture me now. Old as crap and bitter. Always trying to boast about what my kids have accomplished in life because that’s all I have to talk about.

OH MY GAWD. That cannot be me.

Note to self: Find hobby. 

Thanks to my in-laws being awesome grandparents, Hubs and I did get a chance to go to dinner while the kids were gone. It was wonderful. Good food, good company. Good company is always a plus when it’s your husband.

Lately, I’ve only been focusing on how hard marriage can be. But, Thursday night I was reminded of how amazing it usually is.  Yes, it can be a lot of work and some days I want to scream because the one person I need to get me, doesn’t. But, then he does something that makes me smile, and I fall in love all over again. It’s been 15 years and I’m still madly in love. That’s way better than the 3-5 years we gave ourselves when we got into this mess!

We went to a local restaurant we always say we’re going to try, but never do. We got to talk without interruption and sit at the bar. Two things we would never be able to do with the kids.

Two bites into my ginger salmon and I knew that it was going to be a great year!

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Adrienne

Somewhere along the way I picked up homeschooling two boys and blogging. When I'm not scrubbing toilets or answering endless questions, I'm usually here, over sharing it all! My writing is always honest, sometimes sarcastic, and never perfect. I hope to keep my kids from seeking adult therapy. I know. Pipe dreams...You can find me as @TheMommyMess on Twitter and on Facebook.

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Filed Under: marriage, motherhood, raising boys, random stuff

24 Comments

Comments

  1. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 5, 2013 at 3:16 am

    I know what you mean about finding out who you are besides a wife and mother. My hobbies are things that I do at home, like reading. I am not actually going somewhere alone for the purposes of pursuing an interest. Glad that you had a lovely dinner out – what a great way to start the new year.

    Reply
  2. Katie
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 5, 2013 at 3:08 pm

    I can’t tell you how awful it feels when you finally have a minute to yourself and you can’t relax because that is what your body is programmed to do! My girls often spend nights at their Nana’s and I still get that feeling in my chest that I am missing something. I just know I am going to be that crazy, obsessed in-law when I am older. I figure I have put up with it, so my kids will have to!
    Katie recently posted..My Little Learner and Elmo Dry Erase BookMy Profile

    Reply
  3. Ginny Marie says:
    January 5, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    Oh, I can so relate, especially to the quote about going to the grocery store! That’s so funny…because it’s true!

    Here’s to a wonderful 2013!
    Ginny Marie recently posted..Mission 2013My Profile

    Reply
  4. Andrea says:
    January 5, 2013 at 3:57 pm

    I’m not even sure exactly what to say. Seriously. It hits home in so many ways. I love what you’ve shared here. This is so real and such a struggle for so many moms. Thanks for sharing.
    Andrea recently posted..Happy 2013!My Profile

    Reply
  5. Kim says:
    January 5, 2013 at 4:52 pm

    Speaking from someone who is on the total other side of where you are . . . please take time to do things that YOU love and help YOU relax and gives YOU an outlet. I never did that and it took some time spent in the dark pit of depression that made me realize that I lost myself. I used to laugh at people who thought they needed “me time”. I thought they were being selfish. They weren’t – they were being smart! If you don’t build “me time” into your schedule now your health – mental & physical – will force it on you in ways you really don’t want. I am now happily enjoying my “me time” as well as my “grandma time” and “wife time” and “homemaker time”, etc. :)
    Kim recently posted..Looking For a Hobby? Five Things to Fill Up Your TimeMy Profile

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  6. Chris Carter
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 5, 2013 at 8:22 pm

    You are a WRITER!!! THAT my friend, is something worthy to claim as a piece of you. ;)

    (So glad you got a replenishing date night!!!)

    (Oh, and I like the salad recipe! can’t wait to try it!)
    Chris Carter recently posted..New Year Resolution 2013My Profile

    Reply
  7. Karin says:
    January 5, 2013 at 10:23 pm

    I do the same thing. Woohoo night to myself! Then I spend hours doing absolutely nothing. As soon as my son is back home, I remember all the stuff I could have done while he was away. It’s a vicious cycle, but a fun one!
    Karin recently posted..Hoarding 101 – The Child VersionMy Profile

    Reply
  8. Meredith
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 6, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    I completely get what you’re saying! If I get a rare moment without the kids, all I want to do is relax, but it’s not so easy to slip into that mode! I’m glad you were able to enjoy that special night out. Love, love the graphic you shared and “Note to self: Find hobby” made me LOL. Thanks for being so real.
    Meredith recently posted..I’ve Got Nothing Except a Little TVMy Profile

    Reply
  9. ilene
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 7, 2013 at 12:18 pm

    “I don’t want to be old and look back at the stuff I thought about doing.” That could have come out of my mouth – the crossroads I am at right now….
    But as far as the salad post is concerned, I happened to truly appreciate it – just so you know!
    ilene recently posted..BallsMy Profile

    Reply
  10. Marie
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 7, 2013 at 10:04 pm

    Very good post – and one that I can totally relate to. I have a very hard time letting myself have time without my kids, and when I do I just feel like there is so much I should be doing to enjoy it, but don’t know where to start! I have lots of things I want to do, and learn, and accomplish……because like you said, I don’t want to look back someday and wish I had done them, but didn’t take the time.

    I found you through the Blog Linkup – will be following you:-)

    Marie
    Marie recently posted..2013 – New Year, New GoalsMy Profile

    Reply
  11. Carly
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 8, 2013 at 1:50 am

    Love that quote about the grocery store.It is so true! I so relate to this post.

    Reply
  12. Elaine Griffin says:
    January 8, 2013 at 10:17 am

    Yes, it is hard to figure out who you are when you are so much to your family. Oddly, we are so much to them, yet, our role is somewhat limiting.
    While I think yeah, maybe you need a hobby, there is nothing wrong with using your time to zone out and do laundry – alone! :)
    And your salad looks yummy.
    Elaine Griffin recently posted..Four Web Design Trends for 2013My Profile

    Reply
  13. thedoseofreality
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 9, 2013 at 12:33 pm

    I actually get so much what you are saying here. One of my 2013 goals is a monthly date night, because I always feel so much better after I have just sat and had dinner with my hubby! :)

    Reply
  14. Rabia @ TheLiebers says:
    January 9, 2013 at 3:29 pm

    I just had a week away from my kids while they were at my parents house. I missed them, but I truly enjoyed the time to myself and with my husband. I love being a mother, but I don’t want to forget about being a person too. It’s ok if I want to watch something besides Team Umizoomi on television, or read a book without pictures!
    Rabia @ TheLiebers recently posted..Wordless Wednesday: Happiest Kitty in the World editionMy Profile

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