The boys are back from a sleepover at their Nana’s house. I missed them terribly over the last 24 hrs., but somehow it only took about five minutes of them being home to remind me of why I needed a break to begin with.
When my kids go off for the night I never really quite know what to do with myself. It doesn’t happen often, and when it does the break is usually long over due. I wish I could tell you that I relish in the time to myself and enjoy every single minute of it, but really I get anxiety and never fully relax like I dreamed I would before they were gone. I spend most of my time reminding myself to relax, which in turn only stresses me out. I’m sure that’s not healthy, but it is what it is. I had lots of ideas of what I would do with my day alone, but when the the day finally came I was satisfied just doing laundry without answering four hundred questions.
I couldn’t even channel my time alone into a supertasic blog post. Instead I thought it useful to share a salad recipe with you. Really? The words salad and recipe are really sort of cracking me up now as a proofread this post. Does a salad need a recipe? I thought so yesterday.
I’d like to thank all of you that took the time to comment on my random salad post. You are truly my friends.
When I’m not with the kids, I realize that I need an identity outside of being their mom. I’m just not sure what that is anymore. There’s a lot of things I think about doing, but that mean voice in my head tells me that I can’t right now. I know that I’m in a stage of life where the boys and my husband are my top priority, and for the most part I love my role as a wife and mom, but maybe there’s room for me to find a little piece of myself?
I don’t want to be old and look back at all the stuff I thought about doing. That’s depressing. I don’t want to be one of those crazy old mother-in-law types who are pathetically insecure and have no life of their own. Like Jane Fonda in that movie Monster-In-Law with Jennifer Lopez. I can just picture me now. Old as crap and bitter. Always trying to boast about what my kids have accomplished in life because that’s all I have to talk about.
OH MY GAWD. That cannot be me.
Note to self: Find hobby.
Thanks to my in-laws being awesome grandparents, Hubs and I did get a chance to go to dinner while the kids were gone. It was wonderful. Good food, good company. Good company is always a plus when it’s your husband.
Lately, I’ve only been focusing on how hard marriage can be. But, Thursday night I was reminded of how amazing it usually is. Yes, it can be a lot of work and some days I want to scream because the one person I need to get me, doesn’t. But, then he does something that makes me smile, and I fall in love all over again. It’s been 15 years and I’m still madly in love. That’s way better than the 3-5 years we gave ourselves when we got into this mess!
We went to a local restaurant we always say we’re going to try, but never do. We got to talk without interruption and sit at the bar. Two things we would never be able to do with the kids.
Two bites into my ginger salmon and I knew that it was going to be a great year!