I can let go…a little.

29 Jan By

We had some friends over this past weekend. It was a low-key celebration for my husband and a couple of friends that share a birthday with him this month. Nothing extravagant. Just a nice time with two other couples and their children. Nothing beats good food and good friends.

A guest list of 11 people total.

In our family, 11 people is a big crowd. It’s 11 people living, laughing, and using our bathrooms. It’s 11 people walking around in our home. It’s toddlers wiping snot, big kids dripping sweat, and grown ups using our dishes.

It’s dirt dragged in from out back and door knobs being contaminated. It’s 11 people invading my son’s space.

It’s. a. big. deal.

But, on Saturday? It wasn’t.

As I sat back and watched our  families enjoy the night, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that two years ago, we wouldn’t have been able to have that get together. The company would have been too much for my son to handle.

We’ve stayed away from things like this for a long time because nothing is more important to us than our child feeling secure in his own home. If you don’t feel safe at home, then where do you feel safe? Recent years just haven’t been our season for BBQs and big family gatherings.

And that’s been fine.

But…

Words cannot begin to describe the joy I find in telling you that this past weekend my son showed remarkable progress.

No, Screw that!  ”Progress” isn’t even a word that gives justice to what my son displayed. ”Progress” would indicate there’s more to be done. My son showed us he’s better!

He not only handled the company, the crowd, and the chaos with ease, but he was literally the life of the party! His comedic timing brought down the house and my face hurt from smiling and laughing at all of the funny things he said and did all night.

Where did this young man come from?

Seeing my son come into his skin is a beautiful thing. I don’t worry about him like I used to. I know now that he’s gonna be OK. I don’t know what God has planned for him in the near future, but I can sense it’s something amazing, and I know in my heart that he’s ready.

I don’t share his stories with you as much as used to. I want to. I do.

But, it’s different now.

He’s a young man.

They’re no longer my stories to share.

They’re his.

I find myself torn between the world of being a mom to a child with special needs and being a parent to a young man who seems just like everyone else.

I never want to forget any part of our journey! In fact, I’m hanging onto the memories that have brought us to where we are. I literally do not want to forget one single thing. I find myself obsessing about journaling everything I can remember for fear that I will actually forget. When I say I don’t want to forget, I mean I’m actually scared that I will.

Being my son’s mom has made me who I am. It’s shaped the kind of mother I’ve become, and taught me more than I could have ever imagined possible 14 years ago. However, I can’t help but want to put some of our journey where it belongs.

In the past.

Don’t get me wrong. We still have a journey ahead of us. There are still so many things that look different for him than other kids his age. But, the difference now is that he’s OK with it. He’s comfortable. He’s confident.

It’s such a a strange emotion to see him growing up like this. I’m not quite sure what to do with it. For now, I’m just gonna sit back and watch from the sidelines.

It’s his time now.

I’ve always known he’s more than his labels.

Now it’s just time for the world to know it too!

I can let go…

…a little.

See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?

I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. -Isaiah 43:19

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Adrienne

Somewhere along the way I picked up homeschooling two boys and blogging. When I'm not scrubbing toilets or answering endless questions, I'm usually here, over sharing it all! My writing is always honest, sometimes sarcastic, and never perfect. I hope to keep my kids from seeking adult therapy. I know. Pipe dreams...You can find me as @TheMommyMess on Twitter and on Facebook.

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Filed Under: Asperger's, motherhood, OCD, parenting

36 Comments

Comments

  1. Heather says:
    January 29, 2013 at 11:43 pm

    So wonderful. What a beautiful milestone for your son and for your family!
    Heather recently posted..Why Yes, I am Questioning Your JudgementMy Profile

    Reply
  2. Marie
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 29, 2013 at 11:59 pm

    What a wonderful post to read!! Having our kids grow up is hard sometimes, but when you can see how far they have come, it is a great feeling.
    Marie recently posted..Overprotective Mom….Or Proactive?My Profile

    Reply
  3. MiMi says:
    January 30, 2013 at 12:00 am

    Simply amazing. Beautiful.

    Reply
  4. NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 7:31 am

    That is wonderful! I am so glad you had a great time at the party! I can feel your pride as you speak about this!
    NJ @ A Cookie Before Dinner recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out- A Pink Loving BoyMy Profile

    Reply
  5. Kim@Co-Pilot Mom
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 9:11 am

    This is lovely. Sounds like a wonderful party – in so many ways.
    Kim@Co-Pilot Mom recently posted..I Dreamed a DreamMy Profile

    Reply
  6. Single Mom in the South says:
    January 30, 2013 at 9:33 am

    Yay! Just Yay!

    Reply
  7. Kim
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 9:56 am

    What a lovely image you paint of your son as he has grown into his skin! Your love, pride and joy just shine through your post. Just this morning I was reading John Ortberg’s The Me I Want to Be, and jumped right to Chapter 18: Find a few difficult people to help you grow. He wrote: As lifting weights strengthens a muscle and cardio exercises strengthen a heart, difficult people can strengthen our ability to love. I hadn’t ever viewed parenting children through that lens, but it certainly has been true for me. Thanks for sharing your story. I imagine it will encourage many more than you will ever know.
    Kim recently posted..Your OneWord is calling-Time to answer!My Profile

    Reply
    • Adrienne
      Twitter:
      says:
      January 30, 2013 at 12:06 pm

      That’s a wonderful perspective on parenting. ON the really hard days, I would always try to remind myself that God picked me to be his mom. That reminder helped reassure me that I could get through it! That I cold do it. We’ve come a long way. Together! :)

      Reply
  8. Shell says:
    January 30, 2013 at 10:54 am

    It makes me so happy to hear this! I totally get it. xo
    Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: What Happened to that Girl?My Profile

    Reply
  9. JD Bailey @ Honest Mom
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 1:57 pm

    What a great post! Your joy rings through so clearly! Congratulations on a big milestone for your son and your family. :-)
    JD Bailey @ Honest Mom recently posted..How being a mom is like being on a soap operaMy Profile

    Reply
  10. ilene
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 2:16 pm

    This is just beautiful. I am so glad for you and for him and for your family – and I 100% agree that sometimes, part of the journey needs to be left in the past so that we can move forward. My heart is shining for you today! xo
    ilene recently posted..Happy Endings…Kind ofMy Profile

    Reply
  11. Maggie S.
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 4:04 pm

    Sweetly sing it.
    Maggie S. recently posted..Back to NormalMy Profile

    Reply
  12. Kimberly
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 30, 2013 at 8:34 pm

    Oh, this made my heart so very happy! I’m so glad to hear this. Beautiful story! xo
    Kimberly recently posted..Just A DreamMy Profile

    Reply
  13. Michelle says:
    January 31, 2013 at 9:47 am

    That’s so great! It’s so wonderful to see growth and to know in our hearts how far our special kiddos have come! My 11 yo son will be making his first communion on Sunday and we weren’t sure this day would ever come! It’s so emotional when they hit a milestone that you weren’t sure they could reach!
    Michelle
    http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2013/01/fun-with-luke.html

    Reply
  14. The Dose of Reality
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 31, 2013 at 9:59 am

    Oh, Adrienne! This is just the loveliest post and I’m so glad your son is coming in to his own. This is wonderful.
    The Dose of Reality recently posted..The Most Shameful Parenting Moment I Have Ever FacedMy Profile

    Reply
  15. Chris Carter
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 31, 2013 at 1:58 pm

    I echo all these comments Adrienne!!! Oh what an amazing and powerful experience you had this weekend realizing how far you have come and what a challenging journey you have been on to get here. SO happy for you. EMBRACE this MOM MOMENT. Joy. Gratitude. Peace. All in one. :)
    Chris Carter recently posted..Natural Childbirth…My Profile

    Reply
    • Adrienne
      Twitter:
      says:
      February 3, 2013 at 8:04 am

      Thanks, Chris! I’m trying to enjoy this time. It’s a strange feeling to NOT worry about the child you’ve been worried about for so long. What will I do with all that extra brain space?? God is good! I’m just trying to do what you said. Embrace this time.

      Reply
  16. Mary @ A Teachable Mom
    Twitter:
    says:
    January 31, 2013 at 11:20 pm

    Such a happy, powerful story! Thank you for sharing it and congratulations! Any letting go is a cause for celebration in my book, but this is so beautiful! Well done, mama!
    Mary @ A Teachable Mom recently posted..Not For the Faint of HeartMy Profile

    Reply
  17. Katie Spencer White
    Twitter:
    says:
    February 1, 2013 at 9:01 pm

    OMG – I love this! I too have an Aspie son and we are also much better now. We came to homeschooling for him and our lives are totally different but it is getting better. Hurrah for your son – onward and upwards ;-)
    Katie Spencer White recently posted..The Second ShiftMy Profile

    Reply
    • Adrienne
      Twitter:
      says:
      February 3, 2013 at 7:45 am

      Thank you so much, Katie! How old is your son? Things are so much better than they were when he was younger. HECK! Things are better than they were last year! It’s a wonderful feeling seeing him become comfortable in his own skin. Thanks for your comment!

      Reply
  18. AnnMarie says:
    February 2, 2013 at 12:13 am

    Yay!!!!! Celebrate this milestone as I know you are! I am celebrating over here with you (well, I am late but I am). Is it wrong that I miss hearing about him? I know they are his stories but I feel like we’ve all grown with him and I still want to know him. I always knew he was so much more than the labels. He is so special, Adrienne…when you can, I still want to hear about him. So proud of him (I know that sounds funny since I don’t know him in RL) and wish I could have seen your glow at watching him and him being the life of the party. :)
    AnnMarie recently posted..My Baby is 3!My Profile

    Reply
    • Adrienne
      Twitter:
      says:
      February 3, 2013 at 7:30 am

      It’s not weird at all! It means so much to me that you care about him! That’s one of the beautiful things about bloggy friendships! :) It was a great day! And then?? He went youth group last Wednesday. ANOTHER huge milestone! God is so good!

      Reply

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