When I Don’t Feel Like Being the Soft Place…

24 Oct By

Many of the posts I share about my son’s specials needs reflect the heartfelt love of a mother who understands her child. Those posts capture my heart to give him what he needs, love him no matter what, and be his soft place to land. But today…

I don’t feel like being soft. I’m tired. I’m irritated, and sometimes I I’m pissed. Some days, I don’t want to deal with it. Some days, I just don’t want to think about OCD.

My son takes the heat for OCD, and that’s not fair. I know that, but I’m human and my patience can only be worn so thin before I snap. I feel like he’s not trying as hard as he was. He is accepting the compulsions and working around them. Some might say he’s managing just fine. I disagree.

I few weeks ago I was willing to let him adjust the blinds all day long, latley? Notsomuch. 

Why? Because it’s causing problems for the rest of the family. Not the  blinds, but OCD. The blinds are a tangible example of the ridiculous routines and patterns we are all affected by, but sometimes enough is enough. We can all only take so much before we begin to get angry we’re dealing with this. Again.

You might say, blinds? That’s your biggest problem? No. It’s not. But, it’s one I can share. It’s a way for you to picture a compulsion without totally invading my son’s privacy.

I know first hand that if you give OCD an inch, it tries to take a mile.

We have to find a new a therapist, and I’m really not looking forward to that. Finding a therapist I like is not easy, and you just never know what you’re going to get. It took us a while to find our groove with his old therapist, and I know we’re not going to slide right into the office of someone I will love right off the bat. Last year he “graduated” therapy, if you will. His progress was monumental! But a year later hormones are changing and so is he. He needs to get back in there. I need him to back in there. It’s time.

Time to fight again.

Time to put my big girl pants on, and get ready for this next stage because the truth is, there will always be peaks and valleys to his needs. It just feels good to be comfortable for awhile. I just have to remember that it’s short lived. I can’t ignore there is a need for therapy again. I can’t ignore there always will be.

I’m taking this as another opportunity to show him how to manage his own care. He’s getting older. I wish I could say it’s getting easier, but some days I wonder if it’s not harder.

He’s more mature. More confident. He argues with me about his care and how it should be managed.

I love to see him coming into his own skin, and growing in confidence,  but it doesn’t make reasoning with him any easier. I think I liked it better when he trusted me to care for him. I’m not used to this new person who wants to be involved.

Here we go…

Do you find it hard to balance the the regular teen stuff with the special needs stuff? 

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Adrienne

Somewhere along the way I picked up homeschooling two boys and blogging. When I'm not scrubbing toilets or answering endless questions, I'm usually here, over sharing it all! My writing is always honest, sometimes sarcastic, and never perfect. I hope to keep my kids from seeking adult therapy. I know. Pipe dreams...You can find me as @TheMommyMess on Twitter and on Facebook.

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Filed Under: Asperger's, OCD, parenting, raising teens

23 Comments

Comments

  1. Michelle says:
    October 24, 2012 at 12:44 pm

    I definitely hear you! Sometimes with our autistic son I just want it to be easy because I’m tired of fighting! Praying for rejuvenated strength for you and your family as you travel further down the path!
    Michelle
    http://normalchaosforamultitaskmom.blogspot.com/2012/10/twenty-years-in-blink-of-eye.html

    Reply
  2. Wayne
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 24, 2012 at 1:25 pm

    Having a child with Autism, it is tough because ‘he doesn’t look different’ – so people often give him and I dirty looks. It is sad that people are so judgemental. I wish it was easier…
    Wayne recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out – Servicape & CharlestonMy Profile

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    • Adrienne
      Twitter:
      says:
      October 26, 2012 at 11:34 am

      Yes, Wayne! That’s one of the biggest challenges. My son looks like everyone else, and he’s on the low end of the spectrum. I still deal with family members that I don’t think are quite convinced he even has autism. It’s frustrating. He has quirks and needs, OCD, and all sorts of things other people don’t see b/c he’s not with them. He can come off as weird, odd, unsocial, direspectful, but no one ever thinks…Hmmm? I wonder if he has Asperger’s? Then again, maybe they do? IDK!

      Reply
  3. Lisa says:
    October 24, 2012 at 1:56 pm

    I don’t have a special needs child, but I applaud you. It’s okay to have days where you want to be hard. You can’t be 100% perfect awesome mom all the time. You’re human, and even if he doesn’t now, your son is going to appreciate everything you have done for him.

    Stopping by from PYHO.
    Lisa recently posted..Do you?My Profile

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  4. Andrea says:
    October 24, 2012 at 2:08 pm

    I can’t even imagine what the regular teen stuff is like, let alone the rest of what you’re working to juggle and balance, ya know? I think you’re allowed to be struggling, allowed to be ticked off. We’re all allowed that with our kids. We’re entitled to feel it because we’re human, too. Huge hugs.
    Andrea recently posted..Bro ken.My Profile

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  5. Shell says:
    October 24, 2012 at 3:27 pm

    Sometimes we can’t be soft. Sometimes we have to turn into warriors and fight. xo
    Shell recently posted..An Unfair Wish from a Special Needs Mom (Pour Your Heart Out)My Profile

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  6. hilljean
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 24, 2012 at 4:02 pm

    It’s good for you to be honest! You need a soft place to land, too. And that is what blogging is for :)
    hilljean recently posted..Awkward Kindness Is Nice, TooMy Profile

    Reply
  7. Chris Carter
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 24, 2012 at 5:14 pm

    I know THAT feeling so well. when my daughter goes into an asthma flare up, I immediately crumble and pray “NO GOD! I cannot DO THIS again!”. The endless battle with her health has put me on my knees and brought me to ugly places I hate to even go… I think all moms suffer from this whatever the struggle is with their children, that is ongoing or even new. I muster up the fight for so long…and then I crash and burn and give up or give in. It feels like failure. I am guilty of this so many many times. In the wee hours of the night- there is this awful ugly me that erupts and spews venom. WHY ME??? WHY MY CHILD? I AM DONE! Oh, but we must go on. We must endure. We must weep and then carry on in our mission. Pick up the pieces and walk forward with the hope that God will give us the strength to face another day. I will be praying for you to rise in newfound strength today. You will find it, because that’s what we do. :)
    Chris Carter recently posted..100 Blessings…My Profile

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  8. Missy | The Literal Mom says:
    October 24, 2012 at 8:15 pm

    I’m so sorry, Adrienne. Hug. I totally get it – the desire to be soft, but the need to have some hard edges too. I think he needs that balance. And so do you.
    Missy | The Literal Mom recently posted..Every Day I Let Them GoMy Profile

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  9. Erin says:
    October 25, 2012 at 12:49 am

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this :( I don’t have teenagers, I can only imagine what that must be like. I understand where you’re coming from about having your child argue with you and challenge the decisions you make on their behalf.
    Erin recently posted..7 Year Old Phineas and Ferb BirthdayMy Profile

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  10. Alison
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 25, 2012 at 8:33 am

    This is tough. I don’t even know how to tell you it’s going to be okay. But you will pull through this. Together.
    Alison recently posted..I’m Purposely VagueMy Profile

    Reply
    • Adrienne
      Twitter:
      says:
      October 26, 2012 at 11:28 am

      It’s going to OK. I know that. If we can get through last year, we can handle some maintenance. I just hate finding a new therapist. his old therapist moved to another practice, and I’ve been trying to make that work, but it’s not gonna happen. Such a bummer!

      Reply
  11. Chris Carter
    Twitter:
    says:
    October 25, 2012 at 10:25 pm

    What a great post! I can so relate to just being done at times. Done with patience. Done with serving. Done with sacraficing. DONE! I believe we all have those moments. And often those days. The beauty in us moms is that we pick ourselves RIGHT back up after our slump of giving up, and carry on in our mission. Because well, that’s what we do. :)
    Chris Carter recently posted..100 Blessings…My Profile

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  12. AnnMarie says:
    October 26, 2012 at 6:55 pm

    OMG, Adrienne…a million times YES! I am so freaking exhausted battling Nico’s “teen” self with his “CF” self especially because when he does what he is supposed to do, his “CF” self is very non-existent as in, not showing it’s ugly face. But his “teen” self is stubborn and doesn’t think he needs his meds or vest or anything. Doesn’t think sleep is important and wants to stay up all night with his friends. It is endlessly frustrating. I’m so sorry that you are feeling it, too.
    AnnMarie recently posted..5 Things That Make a Great DadMy Profile

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  13. Jennifer @ The Preschool Plan says:
    October 27, 2012 at 1:41 pm

    Once again, you speak my language. These comments are a blessing, too.

    Reply

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