Many of the posts I share about my son’s specials needs reflect the heartfelt love of a mother who understands her child. Those posts capture my heart to give him what he needs, love him no matter what, and be his soft place to land. But today…
I don’t feel like being soft. I’m tired. I’m irritated, and sometimes I I’m pissed. Some days, I don’t want to deal with it. Some days, I just don’t want to think about OCD.
My son takes the heat for OCD, and that’s not fair. I know that, but I’m human and my patience can only be worn so thin before I snap. I feel like he’s not trying as hard as he was. He is accepting the compulsions and working around them. Some might say he’s managing just fine. I disagree.
I few weeks ago I was willing to let him adjust the blinds all day long, latley? Notsomuch.
Why? Because it’s causing problems for the rest of the family. Not the blinds, but OCD. The blinds are a tangible example of the ridiculous routines and patterns we are all affected by, but sometimes enough is enough. We can all only take so much before we begin to get angry we’re dealing with this. Again.
You might say, blinds? That’s your biggest problem? No. It’s not. But, it’s one I can share. It’s a way for you to picture a compulsion without totally invading my son’s privacy.
I know first hand that if you give OCD an inch, it tries to take a mile.
We have to find a new a therapist, and I’m really not looking forward to that. Finding a therapist I like is not easy, and you just never know what you’re going to get. It took us a while to find our groove with his old therapist, and I know we’re not going to slide right into the office of someone I will love right off the bat. Last year he “graduated” therapy, if you will. His progress was monumental! But a year later hormones are changing and so is he. He needs to get back in there. I need him to back in there. It’s time.
Time to fight again.
Time to put my big girl pants on, and get ready for this next stage because the truth is, there will always be peaks and valleys to his needs. It just feels good to be comfortable for awhile. I just have to remember that it’s short lived. I can’t ignore there is a need for therapy again. I can’t ignore there always will be.
I’m taking this as another opportunity to show him how to manage his own care. He’s getting older. I wish I could say it’s getting easier, but some days I wonder if it’s not harder.
He’s more mature. More confident. He argues with me about his care and how it should be managed.
I love to see him coming into his own skin, and growing in confidence, but it doesn’t make reasoning with him any easier. I think I liked it better when he trusted me to care for him. I’m not used to this new person who wants to be involved.
Here we go…
Do you find it hard to balance the the regular teen stuff with the special needs stuff?