It’s been over 5 years since I left a demanding career in title insurance and began my journey of this thing called being a Stay-at-Home-Mom. I exchanged deadlines and client files for banana bread and homeschool! I’ve lived on both sides of the Mommy Wars, and I applaud working moms. It’s not easy, and I remember the struggles all too well.
But 5 years later, I’ve learned some things along the way that every new SAHM should know. Now that you’re home, I’m sure you have high expectations for yourself. Just take it slow!
Your house will not be clean.
A few years ago I went all goo goo ga ga over the Fly Lady, but then I realized I can’t fly. Here’s the problem with being a SAHM mom and keeping your house clean. You’re home. It’s a myth! My house would be cleaner if we weren’t actually here all day. Add homeschool to the mix and forget it!
You won’t actually have more time.
False. When you first start staying home, it’s like winning the lottery. People hear about it, and they immediately have their “hand” out. “Oh, She’s home all day, ask her to help.”, “She has nothing going on today, maybe she can do it?”, No, you can’t. In fact, you’ll think you can, and then you’ll realize you’re exhausted and your kids are neglected. Learn to say no!
Not everyone will get it.
You’ll learn very quickly who’s who in the Mommy Wars. Not everyone will agree with your choice to stay home. Some will come right and tell you, and some will just make it clear by over sharing their own (opposite) choice to work. Five years later, I am still misunderstood by tons of people in my life, and I’m fine with that. In fact, I’ve grown to kind of like it.
Find new friends.
Cherish your current relationships and make an effort to stay connected, but you need some new friends that you can count on for support and encouragement. I found myself alone in a world I had never been in without a support system. All of sudden I didn’t have anything in common with my old friends and it was lonely. I was 30 years old, and I needed to make friends. Go figure.
Your kids will annoy you.
Being home with my kids was all I ever wanted, and it was finally happening! It would be rainbows and sunshine every day. We would craft and bake and go to the park and find play groups and…blah, blah, blah. Notsomuch. Yes, all those fabulous things can happen. Just pace yourself, because I assure you, your kids will make you want to scream and cry in less than a two weeks. Just expect it and don’t feel guilty when the time comes. Just go get a pedicure!
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Somewhere along the way I picked up homeschooling two boys and blogging. When I'm not scrubbing toilets or answering endless questions, I'm usually here, over sharing it all! My writing is always honest, sometimes sarcastic, and never perfect. I hope to keep my kids from seeking adult therapy. I know. Pipe dreams...You can find me as @TheMommyMess on Twitter and on Facebook.
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Twitter: AlisonSWLee
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Yeah #5. Fortunately, they’re adorable.
Alison recently posted..THE Big News
Twitter: themommymess
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Oh girl, if I had ugly kids, we’d be in trouble.
SO true! Great list, Adrienne.
Jenni Mullinix recently posted..Review & Reflection: October 2012
Twitter: themommymess
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THanks, Jenni!
Twitter: thedosetweets
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FANTASTIC list. Every single thing you listed is SO TRUE. Could not agree with you more!
thedoseofreality recently posted..Shelter From the Storm
Twitter: themommymess
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Woo Hoo! Glad it’s good advice!
Yep, your list is spot on. – although, I still frustrate myself with trying to maintain a clean house…sometimes it works, other times not so much. And every time my children really start to annoy me to the point of insanity I try and remind myself it was my choice to be at home with them full-time…again, sometimes that works, sometimes it doesn’t
Kim recently posted..A silver lining is found even amongst the flu
Twitter: themommymess
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I just don’t know how to keep my house clean! It’s so frustrating. We have a modest sized home (that I love) but the clutter just gets out of control.
Twitter: kimahall
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I can remember being shocked when I was home with my second born for the first few weeks. I was going to mommy & me hour at the library with both (3 yrs and newborn), and I felt so out of place. The other women knew each other, and I didn’t know anyone. I was very shy at the time, and just couldn’t bring myself to reach out and join the conversation, and the ladies did not reach out to me either.
Your advice is spot on, especially about finding new friends. When you leave the workplace, there are too many women who don’t understand your choice. You also find you have very little in common with them anymore. It’s important to find a group of peers for support, encouragement, joy and laughter!
Kim recently posted..12 secrets to deflecting life’s slings and arrows
Twitter: themommymess
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I want to go back in time and be at that library with you! I try to make an effort to reach out. I know how hard it can be.
Twitter: kimahall
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Now that would have been lots more fun!
Kim recently posted..12 secrets to deflecting life’s slings and arrows
I’m not a SAHM, but I desperately wish that I could be. All of my friends are SAHM, planning play dates together and doing fun things, so #4 is true for me as a working mom as well. I love my friends dearly and see them as much as I can, but you’re right that it’s good to have friends around you who understand where you’re coming from, whichever side of the coin you sit on. But I agree, it’s weird to be in my 30s and trying to make new friends!
Twitter: themommymess
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Yes! It goes ways, and it’s so important to have a core group of people who can encourage you and “get” you at the stage of life you’re in. It is weird to be in your thirties and making new friends. BUT, some of the new friendships I’ve made are built on healthier boundaries than older ones. It’s a new ball game, I like being thirty-something.
The time thing still bugs me!! Even after years of staying home, people still assume we have all the time in the world!
MiMi recently posted..10 Things To Smile About
Twitter: themommymess
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I know. It’s frustrating. It’s also very hard to deal with people who expect you to be the one to initiate getting together, making plans, or being “the one” who makes all the effort to stay connected. Just because I stay home doesn’t mean I’m sitting around with my thumb up my butt!
Your list is a wonderful tool for new SAHM’s! Very well written and I’ve experienced all 5 (some more than once) over the past 10 years of being at home with my boys. Funny, my answer to #5 is a pedi, too.
Twitter: themommymess
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Isn’t #5 an answer to everything?
Twitter: TheMomCafe
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YES YES YES YES and YES!!!
Add to that, there are days when you are surrounded by your kids and you want to go back to work….
Chris Carter recently posted..Do Unto Others…
So true! As a new SAHM, I’m finding the job much more demanding than I ever imagined! I have so much respect for working moms, but I I feel like being home all day with baby is so much more than a full-time job, simply because your always “on the clock” and forget about breaks…they don’t exist. Great points!