This is a post I’ve been mulling over for a while now and I’ve been scared to publish it. That being said, I know that being scared to publish something is usually the first step in writing a post that other people can relate to. Perhaps they’re just too scared to say it themselves? Maybe that’s the case with this topic or I’m alone and will wallow in my own self pity for another week of failing as a homeschooling mom. Surely, there has to be other homeschool moms out there that struggle with this insecurity? If there’s not, shoot me now, because that will just suck.
Here’s the thing. I read other homeschool blogs and moms are smiling as they let their children lead the way through the grace of an “unschooled” environment. Johnny is off writing his own book about rocket science and Mary is learning to be a fashion designer as she sews her life away. They don’t need math or regular structured learning because they’re so damn smart already that books are pretty much a waste of time. That’s so NOT what things look like here. I wonder, am I alone in this?
Other homeschool moms make me feel bad.
By bad I mean…inadequate.
In our home? School happens. It isn’t something that I particularly *love* everyday. I do it because I believe in it. I do it because, in spite of it’s challenges, I believe it’s what’s best for my family. I am committed but, I can’t say I love it all the time. In fact, some days I hate it and wonder if I’m doing the right thing.
If you saw me on the streets and randomly asked me about homeschool, which happens a lot as we’re often out and about when most children are in school, you’d get the textbook (no pun intended) response. Oh, we love it. (move along kids.) The questions from strangers are just a natural part of being a homeschool family. People are curious and they will ask you why your kids are not in school. Which I for one think is nosy, but we’re used to it. Sometimes I want to say, “Well, I lied to the school and told them my kids had chickenpox, so I could make it to Target before the crowd arrives”, but mostly I just smile and reply, “We homeschool”.
This ends with that short and sweet “oh we love it” type response and then we’re off. But, the truth is. I don’t always love it.
I don’t love it when my kids are complaining about doing their work.
I don’t love it when I feel like I’m always behind in the lesson plans I’ve painstakingly mapped out for the week.
I don’t love it when I can’t keep my house clean, have any time for myself, or forget to take dinner out of the freezer because I’m too busy teaching.
I don’t love it when I see other homeschool moms building the The Eiffel Tower out of Legos while they learn about France, bake croissants from scratch, study french as a second language, and then have time left over to learn how to master the piano…all under the guise a of a “unit study”.
Say what? I can barely get through the basic phonics lesson I had planned for the day! Forget about all this fun let-your-kid’s-interest-guide-you type stuff. Do I have it all wrong?
I read other homeschool blogs and I see those moms crafting, smiling, and sending their prodigy children off to college at 12, and think what the hell am I doing?! Don’t those kids whine and complain? Don’t those moms scream and yell and cry? Where are their husbands? Because, on a bad day? Mine is at work on a roof sweating his you know off while my youngest is off in the back corner with my iPhone complaining that “mom is being mean, and I have sooooo much work”.
So I ask you this Pro Homeschool Moms…
What does a bad day look like? I know you have them!
Because here. Some days it’s a miracle if school happens.
God I hope people don’t hate this post.
P.S.
I Googled “famous french composers” to go with that whole rant on french stuff above, but didn’t recognize a single one of them and just decided to type “master the piano”. See what I mean? I don’t even know of a french composer. I think my kids need a tutor.
I’m sharing this post with Shell at Things I Can’t Say. Her weekly meme, Pour Your Heart Out has been my free therapy for more than two years! Thanks, Shell. <3
Shut the front door!
This post was syndicated on BlogHer!
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Twitter: kimahall
says:
You have captured all my concerns about how homeschooling would have gone in our household!
Besides feeling that the whole process would become a scorched, take no prisoners battleground, I just didn’t think I was up to the task.
You have my sympathy! Let go of comparing yourself to others and just do the best you know how to do.
Kim recently posted..What Ricochet the Dog teaches us about parenting
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thanks, Kim! Most days I do love what I do, and like I said, I believe in it! But, some days are just hard and I don’t think other homeschool moms talk about the down days enough. I think we can all be encouraged to know some days the kids cry! LOL
adrienne recently posted..Other Homeschool Moms Make Me Feel Bad
I think your post is much bigger than just homeschooling. I was thinking about how I feel like I always have to get everything done while Jellybean was napping. I was washing dishes, putting away groceries, cooking, doing laundry, folding and pouting away clothes, etc. Then I thought to myself – Why? Why can’t I just cut myself a break once in awhile? Relax! It’s the curse of the internet, I think.
We see everyone else living their “perfect” lives on our screen and convince ourselves we’re not good enough!
Diana recently posted..It’s come to this
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Amen, Diana!! How come no one ever posts “I’m thinking about selling my kids on craigslist b/c they’re making me crazy!” or “Instead of homeschool we just argued”…I for one think that honest real updates are WAY more entertaining!
adrienne recently posted..Other Homeschool Moms Make Me Feel Bad
Adrienne –
I haven’t started homeschooling yet… but I’m planning to next year when my daughter will be 5 (in november). I yell…. sometimes I cry and sometimes the constant questions and toys strung from one end of the hosue to the other make me crazy! I also work from home selling vintage online…. So I’m wondering if I’m crazy to attempt this Homeschooling along with working and being a wife, and OH yeah, remembering to be me as well.
I for one would love to see Normal posts – that would make me feel like this is really doable and not out of reach. Thanks for sharing your crazy day. We all have them. And yes my 4 year old tells me she likes daddy better too. My 2 year old hasn’t figured out how to say that yet. Thank the lord for small favors.
Blessing to you and yours and thanks again!
Carolyn
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thanks so much for coming by, Carolyn!
You can most certainly do it!
Adrienne recently posted..We’re Accident Free!
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
I love you for your honesty. Not to mention that for anyone out there thinking of home schooling, you give them the whole picture and you’re real about it. That alone might encourage people to make the right choices for their family because you show them more than the “highlight reel” version of what it’s really like.
I may wind up homeschooling one day. It’s not out of the question for me – and I am so glad to have you as inspiration.
ilene recently posted..Cheer Mom Part 2: Cheer Angst
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thank you so much, girl!! Your comment and your tweet love made my day!!
adrienne recently posted..Other Homeschool Moms Make Me Feel Bad
Amen, amen, oh, and Amen.
I always wonder “How can they AFFORD all the supplies???”
And it seems like whenever I do plan some really cool project, the kids breeze through it in no time flat, my Aspie declares it was boring, my 4-year-old parrots him, the 2-year-old parrots HIM, and then they wander off to find more interesting stuff to do AKA the computer.
Jennifer @ The Preschool Plan recently posted..Following the Plan Friday, The Letter F
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Hahaha!! Yeah! A homeschool mom who’s willing to admit it sucks sometimes! You’re my new best friend. *winks*
I totally relate to your play by play. My oldest has Asperger’s and the dynamic of that and having another child to teach is a handful.
adrienne recently posted..Other Homeschool Moms Make Me Feel Bad
Twitter: fromtracie
says:
I ask myself that same question! All those fancy projects just look like big dollar signs. Whew.
Tracie recently posted..Cozy Reading With Semi-Matching Socks
Twitter: thehilljean
says:
Oh girl. I feel your pain. I don’t homeschool my kids (I mean they’re barely in preschool so we’re not there yet) but I was homeschooled for a while and my mom definitely struggled with what you describe. It is not easy to have your kids at home all day and be the sole educator. Heck no! I don’t think I have the strength to homeschool my own. But I give big props to the ladies that do, and thank you for being honest and REAL! There are plenty of Pinterest Moms out there making it all look like a walk in the park but it’s just not. Because life happens, and then school happens. And that is not an easy task.
hilljean recently posted..My Pink Party
as a mom who’s kids go to school, all homeschool blogs make me feel like crap…like I should want to keep them all home with me while we go prancing through the woods looking for vertebrates and invertebrates together…
So I don’t know much about homeschooling, only what I read on blogs, but I do know this…and you know it too, you just have to remind yourself….we bloggers choose what to share, and those perfect homeschooling mothers are choosing to share the homemade mummies and the working, living rainforest…not the fact that it took 3 painstaking, yelling days to actually get it done….
you’re a good mom…chin up
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..A Defining Moment
Twitter: fromtracie
says:
*pulling up a chair and sitting next to you*
I get this. I so get it. Those unit studying, unschooling, super homeschoolers intimidate me (and I don’t know any French composers either). It probably doesn’t help that my cousin was one of those kind of homeschoolers – her 20 year old is currently the youngest nurse practitioner in the US, having gotten her Masters degree at 18….and the rest of her kids are quickly following in her footsteps (don’t make me tell you about her 17 year old engineer, please, I didn’t even go to college).
I’m learning to be happy when school happens. We often don’t make it through the lesson plan. And I’ve had those two hour math worksheet meltdowns.
PS – I hate it when people ask me why my daughter isn’t in school if we are at the store during the day.
Tracie recently posted..Cozy Reading With Semi-Matching Socks
I seriously laughed at this post….because I can relate! I’m still a very ‘young’ homeschool mom with this being our first year, but I can still relate. Don’t feel bad…I think it’s very wonderful of you to continue doing something because you know it’s right. That doesn’t make it easy.
As far as ‘those moms’, it seems like they tend to have a generally more controlling attitude. Some children relate well to that, others don’t but don’t have the choice not to. That doesn’t make them ‘bad,’ we just aren’t quite that way.
I have worked hard over the last couple of years to not compare myself to what I consider to be perfect or ideal (regarding family and home) but to just do my best always putting family first. Sometimes I need a reminder that that is exactly what they need the most!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I agree that some moms just have a calm, cool, and in control manner about them. Either that or they take some really good meds. I wonder? Does Michelle Duggar have a script? I’m not that cool, calm, and collected. I’m not sure if I ever will be. I’m impulsive and little ADD. Not a good mix. LOL
I have let go of so much insecurity. I’m so far from where I was, but sometimes I’d love to see a super HS mom write about a whining kid.
Adrienne recently posted..5 Must Have Tools for Calming Your Aspie Teen
I know just what you mean! Sometimes feel jealous when I hear about unschooling families and all of the cool trips that they take and activities that they do. My kids (and I think most kids) need structure, and textbooks and lessons. There’s no way that they would willingly learn certain subjects otherwise, like grammar and math. I do try to make time in our week for extras, but our lessons are of primary importance. And yes, I stress about cleaning the house, errands, cooking, earning money, etc. My husband and I feel strongly that homeschooling is the right fit for our family – it’s not the easiest choice though!
Patricia P recently posted..Car Box
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Here, here. my kids have to have routine, structure, and even math. They would go crazy playing video games all day if I didn’t do the books. Now, that being said, sometimes we take advantage of the freedom and do something different. But generally, I think we fall under the boring textbook homeschool family. *winks*
Adrienne recently posted..5 Must Have Tools for Calming Your Aspie Teen
I sympathise. I recognise a lot of what you are saying but it sounds like you have pinsecurity. You know where you see the amazing pin on pinterest and think the persons amazing but that’s because they didn’t post about the 5 failed attempts and 800 other photos that didn’t turn out great.
We are considering homeschool for our son (only 3 at the mo) and I know my husband will have to give me a shake from time to time when I start comparing with what you see on the blogosphere. But must people enjoy writing about the successes. Only the brave like yourself are willing to share the downs as freely. Chin up, you aren’t alone.
the monko recently posted..Goblin’s Pirate Birthday Party
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Pinsecurity?! Bahahaha!!! Best word ever. SO funny! Yes, that’s what it is.
Twitter: ForgetfulMomma
says:
I am so glad to hear that not all homeschooling is perfect. I look at their blogs and wonder how they do it. I had looked into it a bit before we moved because the education system was lacking where we were. Those perfect homeschoolers scared me. There is no way we could be like. I still have a bit of time yet before we have to decide whether or not to home school or for them to go to school.
P.S. Now following you on Google+, can’t wait to read some more of your posts.
Forgetful Mom recently posted..In the Mountains – Finding Your Blogging Voice
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Look at you following from G+. I have no idea what to do there, maybe you can train me.
It’s not all perfect, but it’s all worth it.
Seriously…if there’s a homeschooler out there that hasn’t had a bad day or two then I want to know them! Or maybe I don’t because there MUST be something wrong! LOL This is our 9th year homeschooling…and I really don’t think I’ve ever had a day without at least ONE whine or complaint! But we would all say that we still enjoy homeschooling. Nothing is perfect, nothing goes as planned. It’s just how it rolls! I wonder sometimes though that we (homeschoolers) don’t share the “challenging moments” because there’s already pressure because we do homeschool…and sometimes others EXPECT schooling to go badly? or they’re critical? I know for me we haven’t always had family and friend support…telling them that ___ threw a tantrum because I asked her/him to write 2 sentences or complete 5 additional problems would only fuel to negative fires! So, it’s always positive, positive, positive! Now, I do get: How do you get it all done?? sometimes from others…but if you write down everything on the blog it adds up! LOL
Jessy at Our Side of the Mountain recently posted..Weekly Wrap-up: Session 1 Week 5
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Such a great point you raise!! It’s true, we are so scared to say that our day was terrible and johnny hates math, especially when we’re talking to an unsupportive family member. I remember one time, I vented to my mom (not my biggest HS fan) and her response was, “well, what do you expect they get to do whatever they want all day long.” Ugh! I was so irritated, but didn’t even bother to go there. Because I know they don’t do what they want all day. That’s why their whining. Hello?!
Spot on post! I’m pretty sure all of us feel the same way- I know all about feeling inadequate and overwhelmed…. some days I look at my kiddos and I think- what was I thinking? Will they survive this? Will I survive this? Will my kids turn out normal? Do I want them to be normal? Some days I’m super homeschool mom and we do the fun activities but those days are very few, most days its all about “getting the next thing done”. Yeah, I’ve forgotten about prepping supper. And sometimes I think everyone thinks that because your home all day- your laundry should be folded and put away, your house clean and a wonderful dinner on the table- they don’t realize you spent an extra half hour going over geometry with one child, had to walk another child through every step of an outline process and had to spend another half hour cleaning up your son’s spontaneous science experiment in the kitchen. Then when their school is done your grading papers and prepping for the next day…
Sometimes when people find out we homeschool they’ll respond with “I could never do that.” And I smile and say, “Some days I think the same thing.”
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Oh, I’m so glad you can relate! It’s not always easy.
Great post! I am still a newbie to having a homeschooled child (just started in January of last year)…and, just like you, there are many days that are wonderful (both kids cooperate, lessons/worksheets get completed, etc.), but then there are days where it results in a major battle, and I wonder why I am bothering and am ready to throw in the towel. When we have those terrible days I try and remind myself of the benefits (no early morning madness, the ability to be able to stay in our pj’s all day if we so choose, not having to live life by a school schedule ie – we can take holidays whenever we want, etc.). My house sometimes suffers, my blogging passion often suffers, time to myself definitely suffers…and it is definitely not perfect, but in the end I still think it’s worth it!
Kim recently posted..Thanksgiving Day Turkey Craft
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Yes, in the end. It is worth it. Even on a bad day.
Good can of worms errr I mean good topic to write about!:)
I’ve been very open on my blog how I kicked and screamed my way into homeschooling. I. Did. Not. Want. To. Homeschool! Seriously fought the idea for months, but finally gave in to give it a try.
We love it now (our 4th year), because it allows us the freedom to travel (& to sleep later in the morning & get our work done faster), not because the inner-teacher in me woke up.
My 8th graders do homeschool independently on the computer, which is great. I help as needed (and on days when they don’t get something and I don’t get it either I’m SO ready to quit). Homeschooling my 1st grader is harder, as I am teaching her how to read before she can do more independent work.
So anyway, we love homeschooling now, because of the lifestyle it allows us, not because we are creative and brilliant and amazing people
Here from the Hop!
Sennie recently posted..Cocoa Coconut Bits
Okay, this totally cracked me up . . . although I *think* we might be the unschooly, free-flailing, interest-led, build the Eiffel tower kind of people you are talking about. Ahem. Then again my oldest is six, so perhaps I just have no idea what I’m getting myself into.
Valerie @ Momma in Progress recently posted..Attachment Parenting: More Than Breasts, Beds, and Baby Slings
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I’m so glad you laughed, because there was supposed to be some humor in there!! Thanks for reading. And keep up the unschooling, Eifel Tower building awesomeness, just come back and tell me when your kids are whining!
Move over on the bench because you’re saying exactly what I’ve felt. We’ve been homeschooling from day 1 and next year my older boys (twins) will be seniors. I am so throwing myself a party that I made it! I am not that mom who does the projects. My idea of art was gave them a crayon and told them to go nuts on the paper. I’ve been in co-ops where there were a lot of competitions of who could out-do the others. I failed miserably at every.single.one. But then I got over it! God knew what He was getting when He gave me kids. I’m not a fan of “unschooling”. I avoid doing crafts like the plague, we’ve had a couple years where the boys almost refused to do their work etc. But they got over it, we hung in there, and I’m so glad I didn’t throw in the towel. (I did try to quite but was vetoed by God and husband)
This stuff isn’t easy – if it was everyone would do it. Chin up! Anything that is of worth will take grit, spit, maybe duct tape, and a determination to not give up. Run the race even if you wonder off the path because you’ll find it eventually.
Joanna recently posted..But Of Course
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing!! I’m not into co-ops either. I’m like a homeschool misfit. Thanks for such an awesome comment, and thanks for reading!
I think I would be so depressed if I was a homeschooling Mama and my masters degree is in education. It is just incomprehensible to me that you all can know so much and shift gears so easily.
On a side note my 6 year old (who just started public school) came home the other day and asked why I don’t homeschool her. I found it so weird since we don’t know anyone who homeschools. But I think it just proves that homeschooling is becoming more and more mainstream.
Making It Work Mom) a recently posted..Yes I Really was This Dumb
Twitter: themommymess
says:
The doubts can get to me sometimes, but sometimes just sharing a post makes me feel so much better. Who cares if I have a bad day!? I still believe in the choice and ironically, this writing this post made me feel good!
That’s funny your daughter wants to HS. It is much more common than it used to be.
Twitter: jimmiescollage
says:
You know, we do have really bad days. My daughter sometimes hates to do school and just wants to check off the boxes. When I get asked, “How much more do I have to do?” it’s very discouraging.
But I choose not to blog about those bad days too much because although I want my blog to be genuine, I have a greater desire for it to be encouraging & positive. Another issue to me is how I portray homeschooling to the outside world, especially the naysayers. I never want to give any opponents ammunition to attack my right to teach my child at home. That’s why I will never say online that we had a “life skills day.” (You know that’s code for “we stayed in our PJs all day and never cracked a book or did a single educational thing.”)
It’s a fine line, isn’t it? As bloggers, we have a tough line to walk — being both honest and uplifting. But you are not alone. We all have bad days. But the bad days aren’t as blog worthy. Our bad days are not funny or filled with deep insights. They are just drudgery. It’s best for me to just get through them and move on.
Jimmie recently posted..Teach Your Child Piano Improv in 4 Easy Steps
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Valid point. I think some of what you said is why other moms don’t share about the bad days. It’s not so much that a dwell on them, but it is nice to know that others have them and we’re not alone. I tend to write whatever I want and then stress I shared too much. So, I respect your ability to think ahead like this. That being said, I’m not worried about naysayers. They’re always going to be there, whether I share a bad day or not.
Thanks for sharing!
What an honest post! I have a hard time believing the homeschool blogs that are nothing but sweetness and light… actually, any blog that never acknowledges that sometimes, things are hard.
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say: Raising Humans
HAVE YOU BEEN PEEKING IN MY WINDOWS?????? I am there with ya! I believe it what I am called to do but I see all these other families with a gazillion projects and activities. We only do what we have to. We start at 9:30 and are done by 2. I feel some days like they are learning nothing……….I love you for your honesty!!!!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
WE try to stick to that schedule for the most part. I do try and do some “out of the box” type stuff, but I have a schedule, lesson plans, all that boring stuff that world traveling unschoolers don’t have. I secretly want to be a successful unschooling mom, but I’m pretty sure my kids would eat me for breakfast!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I so needed to know I am not the only mom out there that feel’s like this! LMAO