Today’s featured blogger is one who has a special place in my heart. She and I met through a How to Rock Your Blog class and we hit it off. Ann Marie from Queen of Chaos juggles 4 kids, 1 husband, sports and appointments, and two children with Cystic Fibrosis. I love her blog and her tagline says it all. “It’s not always pretty, but it’s always honest.” That’s my kind of blogging! When we can encourage one another and build relationships on real and transparent writing, then everyone else knows they’re not alone. That’s my goal in blogging, and my focus for this new guest feature, “It’s Not My Mess!”, because we all have them, and I want to give ya’ll a place to share them!
So please welcome The Queen of Chaos! When you get done here be sure to head over and show her some comment love.
Messes…Old and New
When I think of the messes in motherhood, and there are many, three messes immediately come to mind. One mess is one that was made years ago that I am still cleaning up. One has gotten worse over the years and remains an ongoing struggle and one is a new one that I am trying hard not to let get out of control.
The first mess, the one made long ago that has lingering effects started when Nico, my oldest son, who is now 14, was 5. He went to a “Grand Slam” birthday party. Right after that party, I got a call from the dad saying he wanted Nico for his baseball team. Born was Nico’s desire for baseball. He played for the park district for four years when another coach called and said he was putting together a tournament team and would Nico be interested? Saying yes that day (Nico was over the moon excited about getting that chance) set our lives on an extremely messy path. The path of competitive sports. There have been tears over teams not made. There have been sacrifices for the thousands of practices and games. Vacations have both been had and passed up because of commitments made to teams. If I had a dime for every pep talk after tears over strike-outs or missed baskets or fumbles made, I would have enough money to send them to college. Life in the travel sports arena is messy. Things have to be sacrificed because it is expensive. Because Nico played, Tommy grew up around it all and it is his strongest desire to follow in Nico’s footsteps. Because the boys are both growing in the sports they love, Isabella is figuratively standing up waving her arms saying, “Look at me! Look at me! I want to do competitive cheer and competitive dance!” How in the world do I say no if she is good enough to do them? I didn’t say no to her brother so saying no to her might as well guarantee her a spot on a therapist’s couch at some point. The hardest part is that quality family time is hard to find. Would I do it all again? I honestly don’t know. I do know that when your child stands in front of you, passionate and loving doing it and someone says they want them, it is extremely hard to walk away or say no.
A mess that I didn’t bank on is the literal mess. I am drowning in “stuff”. With four kids, they have so much stuff that it is very hard to keep up with. I was always somewhat of a collector but it became pretty bad when Nico was three after he was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis. Then in 2008 after I lost Rocco, it became worse. It is a texbook case and doesn’t take a genius to figure out why I surrounded myself with things. Things don’t die. Things don’t get sick. I was afraid to throw away anything the kids did. I wanted to save everything. I loved buying them clothes. Too many clothes. I loved buying then toys. Too many toys. And the books…oh, my…I could start my own library. Books made me feel like I was smart. Books were my escape and books made me feel like I was going to be okay. The problem with all of that is that someone has to continually clean up all the stuff that a family of six accumulates and that someone is usually me (even with all the job charts and nagging). The problem is that things won’t take the place of loss. It’s like filling a bottomless hole. Knowing it is happening helps a little but I still haven’t found a Target aisle that I can easily pass up.
The most recent mess that I am making is concerning Gia’s sleep habits. She is 2 and she is my miracle baby but that child hates to sleep. She hates going to bed. She fights it like no other. She thrashes. She bangs her arms, her legs and her head. I have walked in on her screaming and her leg bloody from scratching it in anger. She is a fighter through and through. I hate to admit this but sometimes, it is just easier to lay with her. She has me wrapped around her little finger. She looks at me with her big blue eyes and says, “Cuddle wif me.” “I love you, Mommy.” “Don’t go.” I melt. What is a little cuddling? She won’t be this little forever. What is the harm? Okay, the harm is the mess that I am creating. I fall asleep with her (in a toddler bed which, by the way even at a mere 5’2, is too small to be comfortable) and then don’t wake up until after 10 and then I just want to crawl into bed. The house is neglected. My blog is neglected. Homework checking has fallen to Leo (once he approved a book summary taken word for word from the back of the book) and I wake up the next day to the previous day’s mess. It’s the epitome of “Motherhood Mess.”
Being a mom is the messiest of jobs. It’s a job never done. That being said, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Being clean is overrated anyway. I’d rather roll up my sleeves and get a little dirty. A little help would be nice…as would a glass of wine and some rocking ’80′s music. Cleaning up is always more fun with wine and music, right?
“I am a stay at home mom, married to my college sweetheart, Leo. We have four kids, Nico (14), Tommy (10) and Isabella (10) and Gia (2). We have a son, Rocco that is an angel in Heaven.”
Want to get to know Ann Marie better? Visit her blog, Tidbit from the Queen of Chaos, and leave her some comment love. You can follow her on Twitter and Facebook, too.
Somewhere along the way I picked up homeschooling two boys and blogging. When I'm not scrubbing toilets or answering endless questions, I'm usually here, over sharing it all! My writing is always honest, sometimes sarcastic, and never perfect. I hope to keep my kids from seeking adult therapy. I know. Pipe dreams...You can find me as @TheMommyMess on Twitter and on Facebook.
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Thanks so much, Adrienne, for having me over here today. Truly an honor and you know I am always up for talking about how messy it is raising these kids.
AnnMarie recently posted..It’s Not My Mess
Twitter: themommymess
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Thanks for coming! It’s always fun having you!
adrienne recently posted..It’s Not My Mess: Queen of Chaos
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says:
AnnMarie, you may think that things are messy and falling apart, but really, what I see is a Mom who wants the best for her children, who gives her all, who deals with stuff like a pro and who loves all 4 of her miracles.
Your boys (and Belle!) will never consider their path down competitive sports a mistake, so you don’t even have to worry about that (though yes, the time and sacrifices, oh my). The collection of things though, stop, before you get into an episode of Hoarders!
And lastly, the sleep thing, remember this, ‘training’ Gia (and I hate the word training, but I don’t have a better one) may seem harsh, but it’s actually for her own good in the long run. I know it’s hard but do think about getting her to sleep on her own eventually. I think everyone will be better off. 
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That really is so sweet of you to say! That you see that in me.
I keep saying, “Tomorrow, I will start the ‘training’ and I swear I am going to. I had good intentions all week. I told her I would play 3 songs and then leave. Then I said 2 and would leave. The problem is that I am so tired, I fell asleep after the first one.
AnnMarie recently posted..It’s Not My Mess
Twitter: thedosetweets
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God, I love your honesty and realness. I want to be more like you, my friend. I relate to so much of what you are talking about here, and I think you rock for sharing it all with us. Great post!
thedoseofreality recently posted..Head to Head: Best of the 1980′s Fads
I think that is the first time I heard someone say they wanted to be more like me and I am not going to lie…I love hearing that.
Thanks a million, my friend!
AnnMarie recently posted..Happy 11th Birthday, Tommy and Isabella!
I love you two and in the same space? Even more so! Very well done post, AnnMarie!
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Thanks, Missy!
AnnMarie recently posted..It’s Not My Mess
Twitter: TheMomCafe
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What a beautiful and honest post AnnMarie!! Every. Single. Mother. can relate to what you shared because who doesn’t make messes out of their parenting? I certainly know I have and I will soon again… There’s always a “bright side” to everything, and even to our messes! Lessons are learned, faith is built, growing pains turn into sharing wisdom, and what looks like hardships sometimes turn into blessings…to name a few!
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I love how you always find the silver lining! Yes, parenting is messy, but in the end the rewards far outweigh the mess!
OMG! A toddler bed every night?! I’m with you on being a sucker when the kids say, “I just want to cuddle wif you Mommy.” Brayden was the worst about getting up in the middle of the night. I remember one time he came in our room and I asked him why he was there. He said, “I just love you Mommy and I just want to cuddle with you.” How do you turn that down? Of course I pulled him up in bed with me. Oh those kids they have us Mommies so wrapped!
Erin recently posted..She’s Simply Amazing
Oh, Gia has me so wrapped! I wish she’d sleep in my bed but she insists on watching Bubble Guppies and Bubble Guppies at 2am might seriously put me over the edge.
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