I was sure that I had wet my pants for the fourth time that day. The back pain was understood. I mean, I was very pregnant! “Any day now” people would say as I walked passed. Yes, yes. Any day now.
Turns out it wasn’t pee. I was in labor. That next morning at 3:53AM, God gave me the most precious gift He could have ever given me. A son.
I didn’t deserve him, and I had no idea what to do with him.
But, God knew.
He knew my heart for motherhood and trusted me with a healthy baby boy.
I wish I had some glorious labor and delivery tale to type for you. But, the truth is, I can only remember snippets of the account. Whenever I reminisce, I knit the snippets together. Looking back on this day, I am quickly reminded just how surreal it all was. Every emotion I have about this day could never be captured in one post. Not if I wanted you to ever come back, anyway. I’m not even sure I want to try to capture every emotion from this day without the supervision of a professional therapist. I’m just sayin’. I was young, naive, and scared.
But, most importantly, I was a mother.
I didn’t know what I was doing then and I don’t know what I’m doing now.
As the mother to a 14 year old young man, I should have figured it out by now, no?
Today, as my son was opening a birthday card he got in the mail, I couldn’t help but notice how thoughtful he is. I mean, he’s taken it upon himself to call each sender and thank them personally for any cards that come in the mail. You may not know, but this is a big deal. Phone conversations make him extremely nervous, and he hates them. But, he’s determined to push through the awkward timing of a real call to say “um. thanks”, and I guarantee that the person on the other is smiling.
I keep watching him as he reads the cards. He’s more interested in what the cards say than how much money they hold. He looks up from his reading and smiles with pride. He’s smiling because the kind words others have spoken to him in writing warm his heart. I wipe a quick tear and smile back. He holds up the cash, and I love that he’s genuinely surprised that the amount is “so much”. His innocence is special gift to me.
In this moment, I want him to know how proud I am of him, and I say, “Sweetheart, you have such a grateful heart. You make me so proud. ”
“Thanks to you for raising me right!”, He says with the swagger of a grown man.
Then he walks over and gives a hug. A real hug. One he innitiated.
His hug tells me silently that he gets it, and I cry like a baby. My emotions come full circle as I am reminded on this special day just how blessed I am to be given this gift I do not deserve. All I can do is hug him back.
Happy Birthday, Baby!
I’m so proud of you!