Let’s talk good old-fashioned marital sex, shall we?
The SITS girls gave me a good reason to recycle this puppy. I wrote this a year ago (9/25/11, to be exact), and the majority of this post still rings true today. I can’t say that hubs and I have found a better system since then…
*****
I love my man! I’m actually helplessly in love him, I’m attracted to him, and want to be with him, yet still can’t find the time to make this work lately.
I’m completely overwhelmed all of a sudden with the demands of homeschool, therapy appointments, outside activities, groups, field trips, etc.
Anxiety is rearing it’s ugly head big time right now, and I’m just not myself. My head’s all cloudy, and I’m off.
But, I know my husband is in fact a man. He doesn’t need his head to be clear of all the nonsense to snap to it. That’s just the way they are. SO not fair.
After nearly 14 years together he knows I’m not myself. He doesn’t even really make a move if his mama-is-a-mess radar is going off. He gives me time and space. Thats’ sweet. But, I still want to be there for him. It’s not that I’m not in the mood. I’m just not in the mood after story time! When the day has drained me from every bit of energy needed to even think about sex, much less actually initiate it. I just can’t get in the mood. I just really want to sleep! Anybody?
Even though he gives me space, I know deep down he needs me.
Hello? He is a man!
It’s important to me to make time for him.
I never say no. I just don’t. I don’t want to.
I feel like that’s one of my loving roles of being his wife, even if I’m not in the mood. Call me old school, but he sure doesn’t complain. I don’t feel like it’s a job. I want to please him. It’s an act of love. I never turn him down, but on the flip side, he never has an attitude of entitlement. Usually if I’m not in the mood he goes the extra mile. It’s a partnership.
So it’s important to me to be there for him, yet I can’t find the time or energy to put the moves on him…
Is anybody with me?
*******
A year later, this post is still timely. Trying to balance the demands of motherhood, homeschool, and everything in between make it hard to feel sexy! Our anniversary is coming up next week. I’d love to do something out of the ordinary…
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I am totally with you. When I finally get to sit down and relax at 9 p.m., the last thing on my mind is putting the moves on my husband. It's unfortunate.
We are still finding our groove after baby. Its been a huge adjustment for both of us and it definitely is an effort on both sides!
Definitely agree…I feel bad when he wants to and I am just not in the mood for it. But I definitely aim to always please, its my personality. Being pregnant doesn't help either.
Having a date night at home or if you can get out, helps!
We have tried really hard to make it a point to stay connected in our marriage. We really make an effort to be with each other at least once a week, maybe not after story time every time but making a commitment to be with each other is key for us.
this one is beyond me because of my health there have been months at a time that things just don't happen and most days it depends on whether or not i'm feeling good or not. it's said to say but life had a whole different game for me to play and i'm lucky the hubby is willing to play with me even though he does without most of the time
Totally with you. I don't say no, either!
Great post. Thx for the honesty!
(It's okay to be overly personal on your blog… things I wouldn't say on mine to follow.)
Life does find a way to make us too busy for the important stuff. A few years ago I realized that when I decided "yes" even when I was exhausted I was always glad I did. I never say "no" anymore. In fact I do my best to make sure he doesn't have to ask with words. I recognize his desire and happily respond. Who wants to make their husbands feel guilty about their natural, God given needs? (Even if I don't "feel" like it at first, that changes pretty quickly.)
For tired moms: Something I found works for us (especially for me) is morning… before the kids are awake and the crazy of the day begins.
OK ladies, I'm responding from my blackberry so if my punctuation and spelling is off-forgive me.
I was searching the internet for something else when I came across this blog.
From the sound of it, you ladies are wonderful wives and for some of you; loving mothers. Being a father of 4 children and the husband of a former stay at home mom, I understand your delima.
However, we men-not saying yours don't- need to be more active in the home and the activities therein. Regardless if your're a stay at home mom or someone who works outside of the home-if we want you to always say yes to making love, we should do all we can to insure that your in the right mind-set. You should be thinking about the act of making love opposed to all the things you have to do when you guys are done.
If he knows how to cook then he should cook something, can he wash clothes then he should drop a load of clothes in the wash, etcetera.
I commend all of you for never saying no; however, we (men) should be more in tuned to you and understand that when two people make love – it's not a sole propriorship; it's a partnership.
One of the bloggers here stated that she did not want to deny him his God given needs. Well… God made women too and the desires that men have are no more unique than yours.
Never saying no can be a recipe for bad sex. Here's why.
We men have a Individualist culture mentality that suggest we are more about "I" and "I got mine, you get yours." While women have a Collectivist Culture mentality that suggest that women have a cooperative mind-set. Always making your needs and desires secondary to a ours. "As long as they're satisfied," most women say and as most of you have stated here; you never say no.
Thanks for allowing me to share.
Happy recycled post day! I could have written this post myself. Believe me, you are not alone at all!
Karin recently posted..Revisiting I Love You Honey, But…
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THanks, Karin!
Stopping by from SITS on recycle day, and I wanted to ask you if you’d tried sometime in the middle of the day? Or scheduling a date night? If your parents or his parents, or a brother/sister/cousin, someone is in the area ask them to take over for the day/weekend/night and go out and do something just you two and make sure that includes some lovin’.
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We do try to have some date nights, but they are few and far between.
Stopping by from SITS fall project to say hi!
Twitter: kimahall
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Always timely, Adrienne! Having young children in the house and just the regular activities and duties that come with a family can end up taking precedence over the intimacy. We always enjoyed just having one of the grandparents take the children overnight, and staying at home to enjoy a frugal, fun, relaxing and private date night. The kids loved spending time with the grandparents and vice-versa, and we relished the luxury of only having to attend to each other.
Happy almost anniversary!
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That’s our favorite thing to do! When we do have a sitter, we are pretty low key and enjoy just relaxing at home.
Twitter: bequotedbyasm
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“I never say no. I just don’t. I don’t want to.” – I will NEVER tell my husband that I have read these words! Not ever! Lol. Visiting from SITS this evening.
Twitter: bequotedbyasm
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did i say never?
Twitter: themommymess
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Bahahaha!!! Your secret is safe with me!
I wrote a post, about a year ago, that was a light-hearted look at the way my libido had left me high and dry. The post disappeared when my blog was hacked and at this point I think that’s just as well. It wasn’t as funny as I thought it was. One of the things that God convicted me of, when my marriage hit the ropes this summer, was that I had been sinning against my husband in this area for far too long. Now he doesn’t want to. It’s a longer story with side trips into prostate cancer, menopause and depression. Not going into all that here. I will say that I crave the closeness that comes with sex. It’s not happening. My heart is broken but I know … I created this mess by saying no too often! Will we get it back? I honestly don’t know. But if I could go back and do it over … I would make sex, and intimacy, a priority … not a leftover!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Chili’s Chicken Enchilada Soup – The Pinspiration Project
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You are most definitely not alone on this one sister! Could have written this entire post myself! And I think it is safe to say that we all know what you need to *give* him for your anniversary!
;);)-Ashley
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Twitter: Thefamilypants
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I do turn him down sometimes but I am very careful to decline RARELY. Sometimes I just cannot muster the energy and he can pick some of the craziest times to make a move. ie: both kids have been sick all day and I have been cleaning up barf and holding sad babies all day. Those are the days I need a shower and to go to bed lol And I think that’s only fair. But all in all I agree that keeping things going in the bedroom is a huge part of a happy marriage. Keeping that connection. Great post!
Stopping by from SITS
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What a great, honest, post! You approach the subject with such humor and grace. And there is so much truth in what you are saying!
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We’ve all been there, it’s just the nature of the beast.. As long as you don’t let too many days pass without “taking care of him”, I’m sure he’ll understand.
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