It’s 6:30am. I make my way to the coffee machine and turn on the computer.
I begin to feel defeated before the day has even begun.
I know today will be just like yesterday, and I will go through the motions.
school…housework…cook…answer a thousand questions…
school…housework…cook…answer a thousand questions…
…rinse, wash, repeat…
Today I will do what I do.
I’m convicted.
Why am I not reaching for the one thing that will fill me up?
In the morning, I want coffee. I can’t wake up without it. I can’t function without it. If I run out, it’s going to be a bad day. I want God like I want coffee.
In the exhaustion of the evening, I will look forward to a glass of wine or two to wind down my busy day. I want to look forward to a quiet moment with Him like I look forward to a quiet moment alone.
Today I will attempt to check my emails at least 25 times. I want to think about God as much as I think about my inbox.
The truth is, I will not finish that morning cup of coffee before someone calls my name. The wine will come, but it won’t be accompanied with the perfect blend of silence I crave, and the emails will still be there at 11:30 pm. Life is moving too fast me. I can’t keep up. I feel like I’m struggling just to get the basics done. We’re not really involved in any extra curricular activities at the moment, we are not struggling to make it to the field on time, and I have a husband who helps me when he can. So, why can’t I get anything done around here? Why do I feel so behind? Why does everything fluster me?
I go until I snap, and the smallest of things brings me to tears. I had PMS last week. Isn’t this supposed to be my good week? This is the week that progesterone is supposed to make me feel like I’m the happiest girl on earth. My clothes are supposed to fit right, and life isn’t supposed to feel so damn hard!
But, I am empty.
I know that God has given me every good thing that I need.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance.” Galations 5:22-23
He gave me these things. I believe they’re in me, but I just have to tap into it!
I know what I should do, but I don’t do it. I have scripture hidden my heart, but I don’t recite it. I have a desire to let go of pride and release everything to Him, but I cling to the control I will never have.
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” -Romans 7:15
I am not perfect, and I never will be.
I am a sinner, and I always will be.
God knows me, and He loves me anyway.
I need to be filled up.
image credit: ArtMast
How can I expect to overflow to my family unless I take the time to be filled?
Are you struggling to find peace and balance in the midst of the day’s chaos?
This is my prayer today.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”-Romans 15:13
I’m going to be leading a Bible Study Facebook group as part of the Good Morning Girls Colossians Fall study. For more information about this go to goodmorninggirls.org or let me know you’d like to join the group in the comments below. We’d love to have you!
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This is exactly how I’m feeling right now too. What IS it about this time of year? Hug to you, Adrienne.
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..Ohio’s New Texting Ban – How to Comply When You’re a Social Media Junkie
Twitter: themommymess
says:
As much as I hate that you’re feeling the same way, it’s also nice to know that I’m not alone. I am feeling a little better this week. Although, I’m just getting to emails…
Adrienne recently posted..A Weekend to Remember
I could have written this post almost word for word. I, too, feel so empty. When I go to God I feel like I have nothing to give and am not worthy to receive anything either. It’s just an empty time and I wonder what I’ve done to feel so alone. God help us all to fill full to overflowing again soon!
To answer your question: YES!!!! I am struggling, struggling, struggling. I cannot keep up and at the end of the day I look around at my house that looks like a tornado hit it and the list of things I wanted to do that I didn’t and I want to cry. I’ve tried praying about it…seeking Him but I still come up empty and still feel like I am failing.
AnnMarie recently posted..Memories Captured: Someone is Getting Big
Twitter: chamoionsmommy
says:
I can relate to this in so many ways. I know what to do that will help but I feel stuck in the same place looking for fullfillment in things that just don’t fullfil and not doing what will help. And keep saying I’m going to change and don’t.
Champion’s Mommy recently posted..An Elite Club Indeed
Twitter: KimberlyAMuro
says:
Yes, this is exactly how I feel. I’m doing what I can but I’m still coming up short on so many things. I look around the house and make a note of everything that I didn’t do. I’m barely keeping my head above water and it hurts.
Kimberly recently posted..Best Day Ever
Hi Adrienne,
I think every mom goes through phases of life where we feel overwhelmed. I wrote about my own struggle here http://www.raisingarrows.net/2012/05/we-time-guest-post/?utm_source=rss&utm_medium=rss&utm_campaign=we-time-guest-post
Maybe something in it will give you encouragement.
Praying for you.
Anna Mary recently posted..What I’ve been doing…
I feel forever behind and running on empty. Hope you find a way out of it!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Be Wrong
That was so beautifully written. I’m right there with you.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I hope you get filled up too, then! <3
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
“I cling to the control I will never have…” Wow. Right now, I am struggling with giving up things that help me feel secure, but it’s just that “false sense of security” that’s not real. I get this – and I live so much of what you are writing about today. Amazing post. Gorgeous writing. Beautiful message.
ilene recently posted..Life of the Party
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thank you for this comment. I was so blessed by it! I hope you find a way to let go and release it to God. He is the only one who can control anything.
Oh my gosh…I have been feeling the same way. Thanks for sharing. Just what I needed to hear.
Andrea recently posted..A Rich Life
Twitter: themommymess
says:
You’re welcome, Andrea. I hope you’re feeling better today. I sure am!
This is so beautiful and love it. I feel the same way & currently am doing Hello Mornings which has been so helpful and makes me pause even when I am running on crazy (which is just about everything) Thank you so much for sharing this I’m visiting from SITS
Ellie Augustin recently posted..Project Life : Week 36
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I just started Good Morning Girls this morning. Getting in the Word changes my perspective on the whole day.