How can we tell what are necessary activities for our children and what are just fluff?
I struggle to find the balance between encouraging my boys to find a passion and nagging them to get off their lazy butts! Neither one of my boys enjoys playing sports. Which stinks, because I really think my younger child would enjoy sports, but he just likes to do whatever his much older and introverted brother likes to do, which is nothing. Sigh…
It’s fine they don’t play sports, I really don’t care that we’re not committed to be at the field at 8:00am on Saturday morning, but I would like them to find something they enjoy doing that doesn’t involve A/C and video games.
This has become a topic of dissension in our home, and I feel that it’s time for me to back off. Not because I don’t want to find something they like, but because I’m not getting anywhere by nagging them.
Maybe this is just God’s way of telling me to quit trying so hard? Is it so terrible that I have two boys that genuinely enjoy being with their family? Or having kids that enjoy simple everyday things with my husband and I? The boys are perfectly content just being at home or with family. It’s nice.
I have to ask myself, how much of my desire for them to get involved in something is for me? How much of my motivation is based on what the world tells me I should be doing with my kids, and how much of it is actually for their benefit?
“We need stop and ask ourselves the question, In ten years what will matter the most? Will it matter most that our child won yet another trophy or that we said no to one more team and instead sat down to a family dinner together? In the long run, do we want to collect trophies that will only gather dust on a closet shelf, or do we want invest in building family relationships that will last a lifetime?”~Susan Alexander Yates, And Then I Had Teenagers
Don’t get me wrong, I do think physical activity is very important! I also do not think my boys get enough of it. But, like the rest of my life, I guess I’m going to have to think outside the box when it comes to “physical activity”. Whatever happened to “playing”? When did playing outside turn into signing up for sports? Technology has stolen good old fashioned play from us, and I want it back. The idea of just going outside to play is foreign. If we had to go to practice or a game that’s a clear obligation. Somewhere we have to be. Why can’t we just play? I mean, besides the fact that nobody wants to. But, I think it’s because they don’t know how.
I’m gonna have to fix that!
Do your kids enjoy sports or do they seem to buck you on every suggestion you give?
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Imaginative play in the yard is hard for my boys. They do better playing a yard game like Frisbee or bocce ball than when I suggest “Go play!”. Riding bikes and scooters or taking a walk is totally acceptable, I think. Find something they like to do…climbing or walking or geocaching or perhaps joining the local YMCA or some gym is the answer. Sports is not all that. I know for we play some with people who think it is and that bothers me.
Twitter: themommymess
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True! I agree, sports are overrated. But, I do want them to be healthy.
Twitter: CalmHealthySexy
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My boys had a moderate interest in organized sports, but both (and one in particular) were pretty happy doing things with the family and being at home a lot. But, I do think that physical activity is exceedingly important. I encourage you to develop family activities that get everyone outside and moving, but not necessarily playing sports. One thing I would do differently if my children were younger (they are 18 and 24) is get all of us more involved in things like hiking, biking, roller blading, canoeing – things that we could do together while being outside.
Twitter: themommymess
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Yes, I agree! I’m working on it! Thanks for the ideas!!
I was just talking to another mom about playing outside. My kids don’t’ want to play outside because there’s no one to play with…everyone is at some structured activity because now we all think if the kids are outside they’re going to get kidnapped…makes me nuts!
My boys are starting to ask about playing sports, but I’m afraid to shell out loads of money for a big commitment, so at our YMCA where they do 2 month sports (basketball, baseball) for $80/pop, we’ll try those and then go for the big guns if they want (I just reread that and realized it doesn’t make sense, but I know you’ll get what I’m saying) ha!
and they have game time during AWANA at church and while I’m at the gym they play…
Twitter: themommymess
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Yes! There is no one to play with!! I was just talking about this with Doctor’s Wife above. It’s frustrating. I would much rather my boys figure out if they like shooting hopps with the neighborhood kids before I sign up for a season of basketball, ya know? BUT, there are NO neighborhood kids! And my boys don’t want to play together. There 6 years apart. They have little in common outside, plus my oldest has SEVERE OCD. Going outside is a nightmare. It sucks b/c when my youngest was a toddler, he loves playing outside! But, he’s grown up with an aspie brother, and I know that has affected his outlook on play.
Nobody plays outside anymore because there are crazy people roaming the streets. It’s so sad that our kids can’t have the freedom we enjoyed in our childhood.
Emma @Your Doctor’s Wife recently posted..I Confess… I’m Pissed!
Twitter: themommymess
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Oh, yes! That’s a big one!! I hate that! I remember walking to the 7-11 when I was little with my friend. We’d get candy and soda and it WAS FAR!!! I look back and think how crazy it was. I would NEVER let me kids do that now. Here’s the thing though, were there really less crazy people or are we just more paranoid? The whole free range thing/helicopter thing is interesting. Who’s right? All I know is that I dang sure wouldn’t let my kids roam the street. Paranoid or not, I really don’t care if I’m a helicopter parent.
My kids are young (4,2,1) so sports aren’t really part of our lives yet (though I don’t see my kids liking them already). However they both love to play in the dirt and run around the yard with the chickens and dogs, throw dirt at the pigs or just dig in the dirt. My oldest would stay outside all day if her could. I hope this continues, they do enjoy their screen time though too. I will be curious to see if the love for outside play will continue into their teens. Only time will tell.
Kristin recently posted..Back to School?
Twitter: themommymess
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I think we are to blame for part of the problem. We weren’t proactive enough about this in the beginning and now they’re getting older. my oldest suffers from severe OCD, and that has definitely affected the tone of many outside activities. It’s frustrating, but we will get there!
My kids do play outside, but I still think they spend way too much time in front of the computer or TV. My older two have tried town sports, but seem to prefer activities like martial arts and dance. Our youngest has resisted all efforts so far to sign him up for a sport. We figure that when he’s ready to try something organinzed, he will.
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Twitter: themommymess
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We tried Karate with my oldest and it was a nightmare. He’s terrified of pretty much everything, so putting him in front of a bunch of people was sort of child abuse. We won’t be doing that again. Haha!! I wish there were more ways to sample sports or activities without signing up for an entire season of something.
Adrienne recently posted..What happened to playing outside?
I have two boys and they are hard core into sports. Both play football, basketball and baseball and if it was up to me, Finding a balance between what they do and our family has been tough. Our family time is severely limited by their activities but…they LOVE doing it. My daughters are big into cheer and dance (well the one is and the little one wants to do everything her big sister does) and again, I’d say no but they love it. I’m not one of these moms that think sports is the only way to go. I am a mom that wants my kids to find something that makes them happy and I want them to work at doing well at it. I agree that years from now, those trophies won’t matter but hopefully the memories they have of playing and seeing me in the stands cheering them on will. That being said, I am a little jealous. I’d love to have more family time. And yes, it is annoying that kids don’t know how to play and that there is a real fear of letting them play outside.
AnnMarie recently posted..A Few Friday Rants
Ooops, I meant to say, “If it was up to me, they’d do less.”
AnnMarie recently posted..A Few Friday Rants
Twitter: themommymess
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That’s the thing. Your kids are loving their activities. That’s what I’m looking for. If my boys wanted to do all that stuff, I’d be doing it! I’m not against it, I’m just tired of feeling like I’m a failure if my kids aren’t playing sports. They’ve got to find something, but I have no idea what! Sigh…
I can’t stand people that think sports are the “end all, be all” and the community that I live in puts so much pressure on the kids to get involved in sports. I was totally disgusted when I went to the high school orientation and the video showing the incoming freshmen what high school was like was ONLY about sports. Where was Student Council? Yearbook? Drama? Band? Nowhere in that video and I thought it was ridiculous. I do feel lucky that they have found things that they love to do. I just wish they weren’t so time-consuming.
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Twitter: AlisonSWLee
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It sucks that our world has become so predatory, we can’t even send our children out to the yard to play without the fear of harm befalling them. Sigh.
I too, would love for my kids to be outdoorsy and not plant themselves in front of a television. So my husband and I have talked about how we can do activities together as a family – outside. When they’re older of course. Stuff like going to the park to throw a ball around, cycling, hiking etc. Maybe those could be options?
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Twitter: themommymess
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Yes, I need to be more proactive about planning family activities. I think my boys are more likely to become interested in this type of stuff. It does take some more planning and expense on our part. Going outside to play is spontaneous and free. But, we need to figure something out. Thanks for the ides, my friend!
Twitter: alenesnodgrass
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Stopping by from SITS! Thankfully my kids loved playing outside when they were young. We had a big fenced in backyard which I was most thankful for. I was so paranoid, living in Houston at the time, about them wandering off or someone taking them that I really only let them in the front yard while I was out there. Yep – I was one of those crazy moms.
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Twitter: themommymess
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We had a nice fence at our old house, but not here. That would be helpful! I’m totally paranoid, too.
Good post! Both my buys are little (3.5 and 1.5)!but both are very imaginative. I hope they like sports as you said it will give them exercise but I think it will helP with their social skills too. If they try it and don’t like sports, we’ll find something else. Loved your quote!!!
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Twitter: themommymess
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Isn’t that quote fab? I’m really enjoying the book. I feel like she’s writing to me. I need all the help I can get in the teen dept. right now.
Very good post. My kids are grown now but I’m divorced and dating a guy with 2 little boys (weird). Last night at dinner as we were walking out of the restaurant, the older one couldn’t look up from his DS long enough to cross the parking lot. I do think today’s kids spend too much time on video games (not like mine didn’t, lol), but I am amazed at how technically smart they all are! Pros and cons
. I also think one of the reasons kids don’t “just Play” like we used to, is because of how dangerous our world has become. As mothers we have to be a little more cautious and not just let them play til dark like we used too, unfortunately.
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Twitter: themommymess
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UGH! the DS/walking is ridiculous. I hate that! Thanks for stopping by!! It does stink that we have to be so worried about the dangers that our kids can’t just play.
My 9 year old loathes organized sports, too. He prefers his bedroom to a ball field any day. However, he loves dramatic play and lightsaber duels and park play dates are frequent with us. To get him out among his peer group, we are regulars at the library as they have lots of fun activities…like LEGO Club and during the summer they had a water play day that even included a shaving cream fight at the end. Maybe it’s the competitive nature of sports that your boys shy away from…how about getting them interested in bike rides and a game of frisbee? Good luck!
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Twitter: themommymess
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Lego club would be cool! Thanks for the idea!
Twitter: thedosetweets
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I could not agree more with what you said here. I totally agree with you. Something has fallen by the wayside since technology came along, and I believe it is the ability to just play. I have no doubt that the “soccer mom” mentality has not helped either. This is a great post!
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Twitter: themommymess
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I feel like millions of moms are struggling with this. It’s so frustrating.
Adrienne ~ if you come up with any suggestions let me know. I’m having trouble with my youngest. Not only does he not like physical activity, he snacks too much. I just want to break this bad habit cycle. I have had luck signing up for a Fun Run and even a few 5ks. The weeks prior we go out on “training runs’ very low pressure. We talk the dog and run and walk. That has got him moving and also been a great bonding activity. Good luck.
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Twitter: themommymess
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Oh, girl! I want a dog so bad! I think it would really help me get them outside and moving. But, my oldest is allergic and my husband says NO WAY. I’ve been wanting to have my son retested b/c it’s been years since we have had any problems with asthma and allergies that I wonder if he has outgrown the dog allergy, but we’ll see…
I’m not really a dog person, but lately I have puppy fever.
Twitter: thehilljean
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You’re so right. Playing outside is a foreign concept to kids these days. I was so fortunate because I grew up in a kind of small mountain town where we really did play outside. Daily. I had four brothers, one sister, and we used our half-acre yard to the max. We had forts, we played cowboys and Indians–mostly just indians, we had wars, and games, and even just played house outside. It was so much fun. Of course we had video games too, but I remember being outside more than anything. I don’t know if my kids will have a similar experience. My almost four-year-old can navigate my iPhone better than I can and is always sneaking off with it to watch youtube videos of Calliou. Grr.
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Twitter: themommymess
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That sounds amazing! I want that! But, my kids are too busy playing Nintendo 3DS to run around the yard. ARGH!
I’m loving what I’m seeing from this book – I might have to get it for when my 10 year old gets to the teenage years. Sooner than I think, I bet!
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..28 Embarrassing Things I Love
Twitter: experbadmom
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Well, here I am joining the party late. Obviously, from the comments, this is a hot topic! We moved to a new neighborhood 1 year ago and it has been an unexpected blessing because it has quiet streets for traffic and tons of kids and woods nearby. So it’s a playing outside dream. Not that we lived in a bad neighborhood before, but it was a busy street and not as many kids were around so that did cut down on the playing outside. But what are you gonna do? We didn’t pick our neighbors and their nicely aged children, we just fell into it. Don’t beat yourself up too much ( I know, easier said than done!)
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted..Not My Kids’ Lunch for a Month
Twitter: themommymess
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It has been hot topic. It’s been interesting to see how others feel about this. Ijust wish the kids got out more. It’s good for them. Sure, I could make them. But, how much fun is that? Um…zero! But, I’m learning I need to be sneaky and trick them into getting out there!