I recognized his son’s behavior immediately. I could sense this man’s anxiety over being “the one”, and my heart broke for him.
He was “the one” I have been so many times before. He was the the one with that kid.
His son was so full of life and smiles, and he had no idea that all of his running, screaming, and flailing around were a disruption to others. Little Johnny was just busy doing his thing, while his poor dad chased behind him.
Others peered on at the distraction. None of the other parents really engaged with the dad, and the children really just shied away from Little Johnny’s raucous.
This little boy could have cared less about the giant mouse, pizza, or video games. He was interested in one thing and one thing only.
The kitchen.
Ya know, that place where no kids are allowed, but there’s a giant red door beckoning those with a one track mind. Unfair. I agree.
This poor dad spent the majority of the two hours we were there inexhaustibly trying to keep little Johnny from going to the red door. Over and over and over again he would chase after him.
I didn’t know this dad, and we hadn’t been introduced yet. But, I knew I had to go and talk to him. Just like I would talk to anyone else, I wanted him to feel more comfortable. I wanted to somehow put him at ease.
I watched him struggle to control his son and attempt to engage him in the “regular” party activities that he clearly wanted nothing to do with.
“He’s very cute!”, I said to the dad. “I have two boys myself.”
He looked up with sweat on his face from chasing Little Johnny.
“Ugh. He’s a handful, huh?”
“No. He’s a kid. He seems like he’s having a great time.”, I replied with a smile.
He seemed surprised my response that was free of judgement or hidden messages. I began talking to him about how he knew the birthday boy and family members. That led to talk of his wife and job, the relationships that connected him to the hosts. I briefly introduced myself and pointed out my kids and shared my connection to the party. All the while Little Johnny distracted him from most of what I was saying, but I didn’t mind.
“Excuse me… Johnny!”
“Sorry about that.”
“No, don’t be. I know it can be hard sometimes. My oldest was always quite a handful at these sort of gatherings. Birthday parties can be very overwhelming, especially Chuck E. Cheese! No worries.”, I said hoping to offer some understanding.
“Oh yeah, how old is your son?”, He tried to hide the evident sigh of relief I was so happy to hear.
We spent the rest of the hour talking about Little Johnny, and swapping stories about my own experiences with my son. He shared more information than I had room in my brain to hold, but it didn’t matter if I retained all of it, it mattered that I listened. That I cared.
The sweat from his forehead had dissipated by the time we exchanged pleasantries, and I was happy about that.
A few days later my friend, the party host, called me.
She wanted to thank me for making Johnny’s dad feel so welcome. He remarked how kind I was to try and make him more comfortable at the party. Although, my intentions had nothing to do with selfish ambition, I was so happy to hear that my kindness had made a difference. Even if it was just one hour, it made a difference.
*****
Two weeks after I met them, Little Johnny was diagnosed with autism.
We don’t always know what other parents are going through or why their kids act the way that they do. Bad kids aren’t always bad.
Awareness is key.
Kindness matters.
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Indeed. I love the paradigm shift for both of you here – very kind. We should all make efforts like this.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Hi there! It’s been a while! Good to see you.
It was a great lesson for myself too. I should make this kind of effort more often.
We need more parents like you. If more parents were able to set the judgement aside about a situation they know nothing about and reach out a bit, parenting may not seem like such a solo sport. Kudos!
Becky recently posted..The Rituals of the Daughters
Twitter: themommymess
says:
It does feel solo sometimes, doesn’t it. But, here we are, all going through the same thing (more or less). Encouragement goes so much farther than we realize.
You deserved that phone call and recognition from the host. You are what more people should strive to be. It is easy to pass judgement. It is hard to go up to a stranger and lend an ear when they truly need it. You make my heart smile, Adrienne!
Kristen recently posted..A Birthday Tribute to Shell of Things I Can’t Say
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Your comment is ridiculously sweet! I don’t deserve anything. I think we should all just try a little harder to empathize with each other. Thanks for loving me! You make me smile too! XXOO
Twitter: fiercedivablog
says:
We can judge or we can show compassion. Because we really don’t know what others are going through and should not make assumptions.
You are just a lovely human being for giving this man your time and your ear that day – and for sharing this message.
ilene recently posted..The Secret Life of Dora the Explorer
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I’m not always the compassionate one. But, that day I really felt a tug on my heart to approach him, and I’m glad I did.
Twitter: kimahall
says:
That is so very true. There are times I wish we all walked around with little conversation-type bubbles over our heads that are filled with our prayers, concerns, and troubles. When we met someone new, they would be able to see how concerned we are that they will judge our child who is different, our job that is menial, our home that is smaller.
We just never know what kind of baggage other folks are carrying. Too often we are struggling so much with ours we don’t take the time to notice what someone else is carrying, and to invite them to just sit and catch their breath for a while.
Your simple actions spoke volumes to this gentleman in need. Blessings to you!
Kim recently posted..An important lesson from a toe-curling adventure
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I love the idea of that. I totally want a thought bubble now!! it would make life so much easier. no more games. no more wondering what someone is thinking. It would just be there. Right out in the open!
I can’t imagine how much he must have appreciated that. My little guy can be a handful; he is not always the loudest or craziest, but there have been times…I know how difficult it can be even once in a while, and I imagine that dad had been dealing with it consistently for a while. This is a great reminder that the majority of kids act the way they do for a reason, and it’s generally not just parents letting them act all crazy.
angela recently posted..Climbing Out of Reactive Parenting
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I think all kids are a handful at times. No matter what the circumstances. That’s why it’s so hard to watch other parents act like they have no idea what it’s like to have a child that is acting out. Really? I’m more quick to judge (I know I shouldn’t) children that are totally robotic and sedated! haha. But, again, we never know. So shame on me.
We all need to be a little more compassionate and understanding. You can never know what the real story is and jumping to judgement isn’t the way to live. I’m sure that father did appreciate your understanding.
Tara R. recently posted..Home
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I hope so. I think he did!
How awesome are you?
Be kind, that is my mantra.
Alison recently posted..Brothers
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Kindness goes a a long way.
I started tearing up reading this. I’ve been “that mom” with “that kid” so many times. And sometimes I just want to scream at everyone who judges. Because they really have no clue.
Kindness like you showed is rare. My son’s teacher shows that kindness- which is why I often end up crying in the school parking lot. Because the kindness is so unexpected.
It shouldn’t be. We should all try to be more supportive of each other. xo
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I love hearing about his teacher! Those are the people that should be teaching. I don’t always do the right thing, but I try to remember that we just never know what others are dealing with. I have a soft spot for “those” kids, and I hated seeing them unable to engage in the party. It made me so sad for him. I’ve been there, and it sucks.
Wonderful story and how great were you!
Random acts of Kindness ~ something great to practice.
Carolyn recently posted..Mean Girl Coping Tools
Twitter: themommymess
says:
It was a great reminder to myself to show kindness more often. It really made a difference to him, and I could tell immediately.
LOVE this seriously! I do not like when other parents judge kids or parenting styles. How kind of you to reach out to him! You go girly
Being kind is so heart warming and reading about it warms my heart as well.
Erin recently posted..Movie Review ~ Magic Mike
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Kindness is something we all need more of. Giving and getting. It sounds cliche, but if we could all just be a little nicer. I know I have my days when I’m not this compassionate, and I wish I could remember to do the right thing all the time. Nobody’s perfect, though.
What an awesome story. You are so right… a little kindness goes a LONG way – and you never know what other people are dealing with. Love you!
Kristen recently posted..How to Mother the child when you are not the Mother
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Love you too! and yes, you just never know.
Twitter: experbadmom
says:
Love it. And I just love your writing style.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted..My badness goes big time
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Awww. Thanks, girl!
I’ve been there. It really is so awesome of you to be so kind to him. Obviously he needed someone to understand and just listen.
Jayme recently posted..Sometimes You Need A Little Break
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I could really tell he was just at his limits. I’m really glad that I introduced myself. There have times that I haven’t always followed my instincts in similar situations, and I always regret not reaching out.
This is so important to remember. One of my daughter’s friends is going through a really horrible family situation. Not many people know about it. She has a LOT of anger and tends to act out at times towards her mother. I feel so bad for both of them, but I know that I all I can do is offer love, compassion, and empathy.
Jennifer recently posted..Well, Balls!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
It’s so hard to remember that we don’t always have all the information. Most children are awesome kids! Yes, there are a few bad apples every now and then, but for the most part-kids are kids. They absorb every bit of this world we live in, and who wouldn’t act out at times?
I think we’ve all been in his shoes at some point. Even kids without any behavorial problems will test their limits, often in a public place. It sounds like the poor dad was doing his best to control his son. Your kindness must have been a real bright spot for him.
Patricia P recently posted..Manners Matter
Twitter: themommymess
says:
His son was so sweet, and let me tell you…he was having ab last! Haha.
It is amazing how much a little kindness and conversation can mean so much to someone when they need it most.
This makes my heart happy.
Robbie recently posted..Thanks
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Sometimes it doesn’t take much to love on others.
I couldn’t agree more. Kindess is so important. If we can’t be kind and support each other in our parenting challengings than we are truly losing out.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Agreed!
You are amazing. I think we’ve all been “that parent” at one point or another and it would have meant so much to have you there in that moment with us. Kindness goes a long way.
Kimberly recently posted..Forever Part Of My Heart
Twitter: themommymess
says:
It does, Kimberly!
What a great reminder to us all that we need to keep an open heart and mind. Thanks for setting an example too. More people should be like you.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Where the Heart Is?
What a great reminder to us all that we need to keep an open heart and mind. Thanks for setting an example too. More people should be like you.
Rach (DonutsMama) recently posted..Where the Heart Is?