It was hard for me to begin telling you that I want to be a writer.
I’m slowly admitting to myself and the rest of the blogging world that I do actually want to do this thing. I’m starting to speak the words out loud to my husband and kids, and they believe in me, but there’s a cloud of self doubt that hovers over me.
When I mention pursuing writing to anyone, there’s always a tone of sarcasm in my voice. I guess I feel protected that way. The padding of my own self doubt will cushion the blow if anyone else thinks the idea is crazy. In a way, I set myself up to not be taken seriously.
I go through the motions.
I search online for writing opportunities, and try to grow my blog community with the leftovers of time I have. But, mostly I do a lot of thinking about pursuing this dream.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t jump in full force. I can feel myself being held back by me.
I want to submit my work.
My insecurity craves recognition.
But, my work will stay hidden in my drafts folder unless I put myself out there. Putting myself out there means rejection. It means I need to wear my big girl pants, and know that every opportunity is not for me. It means that people will say “no”. Some people will hate my writing, but maybe, just maybe someone will like it. Maybe someone will even love it?
You have built me up and given me a dose of confidence.
You have helped me believe I could actually do this.
Your kind words about my writing in the comments you leave here have lifted me up, and I am grateful.
I want to listen to you and not her…
She nags and belittles me.
She tells me I’m crazy for wanting to write.
Who do you think you are?
You cannot compete with other writers.
You’re writing isn’t good enough.
Don’t embarrass yourself.
Give it up.
She’s getting quieter, though.
I’m beginning to believe in me a little more.
Pass me that duck tape so I can really shut her up!