A couple of months ago I woke up on Saturday morning, turned on the TV, and decided that this guy was going to change my butt life.
After 30 minutes I was convinced that these DVDs were just what I needed.
Do ya’ll think informercials hypnotize you? I mean, I literally sat through the.whole.thing.
I laid in bed and watched other people work out for 30 minutes.
I listened to Leandro tell me the same thing over and over. Then, Alassandra Ambrosio dedicated her Victoria Secret career to him. And after that? I listened to them tell me more of the same stuff over and over and over for 30 minutes. Apparently the butt is a complex thing, and Leandro had mastered making it look fabulous.
So, naturally, I was hypnotized wanted to buy the DVDs.
I had already invested 30 minutes of my time watching the infomercial, and I was hypnotized positive it was all true.
I told hubs I was going to buy the DVDs and get super hot.
He said. “Um. No, you’re not.”
Then, I figured I’d buy them anyway.
But, the next day we went church. The sermon was all about marriage and being submissive and stuff.
God, are you telling me not to buy The Brazil Butt Lift DVDs behind my husband’s back?
Argh.
But, then I wanted the DVDs even more. I’m not sure if it was because I was still hypnotized or just because I wanted something that my husband AND God told me not to buy. Either, way I still wanted them.
So, I bribed my husband with sex begged, like any good christian wife would do, and he said, “yes”.
He said “yes”, under one condition…
…that I finish the whole 60 day program.
So?
It’s not going so good.
I don’t know how long this hypnosis lasts, but I’m pretty sure it’s not 60 days.
Since I’ve owned the Brazil Butt Lift DVDs I have learned 3 things.
#1 Working out in the living room is really hard when you have 2 boys that holler and scream over their mother shaking her butt to Brazilian music while Leandro urges on with his adorable accent. “Don’t settle for less!”.
#2 The DVDs don’t work if you only do them for two weeks.
#3 You should NOT use Google images to search the phrase “brazil butt lift” because you want to find an image for a post about your lack of commitment to the program. Scary, ya’ll! Scary.
To be continued…
It’s day 1 of The Brazil Butt Lift. Again.
******
UPDATE: It’s day 1 again today.
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Oh this is HILARIOUS! I did the same thing with Zumba! A year later, I’m thinking of starting it again… good luck with day 2!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thanks, girl!!
Funny! I can’t wait to hear how it goes! I hope you make it!
Missy | Literal Mom recently posted..10 Must Haves to Be Enough
Twitter: themommymess
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So far? There’s not a whole happening. LOL!
LOL…that was the best ode to NOT exercising I’ve ever read. I truly adore you, this is just one of the reasons why.
Hyptnotized….CLASSIC!
Kir recently posted..Mama’s Going To Camp
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Thank you!!! It’s the next day. Still haven’t done it. ARGH!
HA!
I’m telling you, exercise is the devil. It tries to convince you it’s good for you, then it steals your soul. Or something.
I love (hate) infomercials. Some people are just so good at making pure crap look amazing. I’ve never given in though. Ok that’s a lie, I gave in once. Ok twice. But that’s it, only three times!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Haha! I know! This was supposed to be some amazing butt makeover. I got the box in the mail with my *bonus* meal plan, and get this? You have to eat healthy too. WTH?
I did a post a long time ago on this very subject! Only it was with the Insanity workout. I HAD to have it. I can’t even find 10 minutes a day to exercise so what made me think I could find 45 minutes to do the hardest exercise I have ever in my life done had to be hypnosis. I never did it. Now I am on the hunt for Zumba. I already bought 2 CDs and have been doing them in the kitchen and I agree with your #1 only I’d switch out a 2 year old begging to play Magnetic Barbie or wanting the TV for Bubble Guppies. I laughed my very non-Brazilian butt off at this whole post. Thanks, my friend.
AnnMarie recently posted..Will I Ever See Clearly Again?
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I heard that insanity one is death! You’re brave. Thank God for ebay. We can resell for nearly what we spent.
Twitter: AccidentalDesig
says:
Most hilarious post EVER. I do not do video workouts when anyone is awake!!! That is why I never workout.
Maggie S. recently posted..It Wasn’t a Threat; It was a Promise
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Hahahaa! Maybe I should try that technique? Midnight butt lift.
Ha! Ha! You crack me up! Good for you for trying a new routine. By the way my boys make it super difficult for me to work out in the front room too. I have resorted to using my bedroom and locking the door!
Erin recently posted..What a Week
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I did start doing it in my room, but there’s not as much space to get my butt lift really going!
Honestly, we always have those kinds of sermons too when I’m trying to be sneaky….
and you can do it! if I was near you, I’d be butt lifting with you…
and that’s why I work out at the gym, that way my kids can’t point and laugh at me…just the other members
Not a Perfect Mom recently posted..What’s Cri du Chat?
Twitter: themommymess
says:
God has my number, that’s for sure! I hate the gym. I think I just hate exercising.
Hahahaha!!!
It’s no coincidence Leandro looks the way he does – that’s 50% of the hypnotism there.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..The Little Joys of Motherhood
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Right?! He’s so cute on the DVDs too.
Are you kidding, those infomercials are like crack for the brain. I once got sucked into a commercial for a yard tool called the “Worx GT 2 in 1 edger/trimmer” and I HATE yard work. Yet, that infomercial made it look so fun! They really mess with your head. One minute you’re normal and the next minute you have an undying desire to wear pajama jeans, put a bump-it in your hair and clean your house with a sham-wow! Haaaaa.
I’m a new follower and would love it if you’d consider dropping by the blog and doing the same
Twitter: themommymess
says:
You nailed! I’m not sure I would EVER break down and buy the pajama jeans, but obviously I can get sucked in on the exercise stuff! LOL Thanks for following! I will be by soon!
Oh My Goodness, this is hilarious! I can see how you get sucked into the infomercials!
Personally, I don’t understand those people who “love to exercise”. Really? Really? Just makes me want to poke a wasp’s nest because that’d be more fun!
Visiting from “Yeah Write”.
Michelle recently posted..The Ugly Truth
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I always feel good after I do it, I just have a hard time sticking to a workout!
I want to get the Zumba dvd’s but I would have the same problem..Too many kids underfoot to accomplish anything!
Carrie recently posted..Gabriel, My Wayward Son.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
A few years ago I got The Firm. I was all excited until I realized how much I hated DVDs and working out at home. I guess I forgot?
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Haha! I went through the same thing with the 30 Day Shred. It ended up being more like the 7 1/2 day shred in my case.
Delilah recently posted..Dear Producers of TLC Birth Moms,
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Hahaha! Exactly.
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
I know just how you feel! Jillian Michaels is sitting in my living room. Look I’m sure there is 30 minutes of your day when the kids are outside playing and not allowed to disturb mommy. You can do this. I am just finishing my Thursday Get Fit! Challenge (it’s a link up on my blog that I host) but I am going to start a 60 day one for summer in June I think. Come join me and we can link up our progress together and keep each other on track. I am so sick of the flab!!
Pish Posh recently posted..You’re Full of Crap: Congratulations, Grads!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Oh! I love your motivation! I need a friend like you to kick in the (Brazil) butt!!
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Good for you for wanting to try something new. When you find that one thing that you just love you’ll be able to stick to it forever… maybe it will be Leandro. Well, not Leandro himself, of course, but his program. On another note, does your church actually advocate a woman’s submission in marriage? Or is both the husband and wife encouraged to submit to each other? I hope it’s that. Funny post, regardless.
stephanie recently posted..Science of the Heart
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Great question! It’s a partnership, and our church advocates submission from both parties. I do think that we (husbands and wives) have very different roles and responsibilities according to God’s word. However, we have to work together to keep that balance. He listens to me too. (Well, most of the time.)
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
I hear ya, sista!
Brook Elaine recently posted..I Am…
P90X is all the rage amongst my FB friends. I have not succumbed – yet!
Vanessa recently posted..5 Things About Yard Work
Twitter: themommymess
says:
i’m scared of that P90X Dvds!
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Hilarious! It is impossible to exercise in front of children. My tender ego can’t handle the ridicule.
Ellen
Sisterhood of the Sensible Moms recently posted..Better Books for the Bottom of Your Beach Bag
Twitter: themommymess
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It is! I can’t take it.
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
oh. So.. that was what your tweet was about today. Here – I thought it was some kinky waxing thing or something
Well… good luck with that girl!!! Great post – as always!
Kristen recently posted..Embracing My Reality
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Haha! I’ve never had a Brazilian wax. I’m scared!
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
oh goodness. we should work out together in our living rooms {and by workout i mean, read blogs, and google search ways to make exercise “fun”} i have right next to me {in the original shipping box} the whole ten minute trainer set {oops. had to double check that was the name. clearly i am way to busy to workout for ten minutes a day} that i had to buy after watching the entire infomercial.
tara pohlkotte recently posted..Smoky Mountain Air
Twitter: themommymess
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Bahahaha! I wish I could burn calories and work up a sweat sitting on my fat ass typing this reply…
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Haha, oh dear. I know all too well how tough it can be to do the home work out DVD’s with kids in the house.
But think how awesome it will be to finish the whole 60 days!
Dawn Beronilla recently posted..Before I Was A Mom: A Grumpy Day Revelation.
Twitter: themommymess
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That’s what I keep telling myself, Dawn. 60 days seems so far away! Argh.
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
So funny and so true I think we all have fallen in the trap thinking that that one product was going to magically change our lives.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
A trap indeed! Can you believe the *bonus* meal plan that came with the set says I have to eat healthy too?
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Okay, this is hilarious! All the best in your challenge LOL
jamie recently posted..You Are Special
Twitter: themommymess
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Thanks, Jamie!
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Shake your money maker girl!!!!!!
Bahhaaha! I’ve tried Brazillian Butt Lift. Guess what? My ass still looks like mush. Brazillian mush, but mush nonetheless.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
You have? Did you really do it for 60 days? I’m just curious. The ladies in the commercial seemed to be “real”, but idk?? And it sort of sucks that I’m supposed to eat healthy too. I payed $75 for a brochure to tell me to exercises and eat healthy for 60 days and I would see results. i’m such a sucker!
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Hahaha! I tried my sister’s P90X exactly once. The dogs were intrigued and underfoot and I kept slipping on the carpet but I don’t allow shoes in the house and the more I tried their complex moves the more I was convinced someone had installed a hidden camera and I was put on blast all over the internet and already became viral.
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Bahahaha! hilarious! Yeah, I pretty much feel like a spaz when Leandro is telling me to “feel the music” as he rubs his chest. Really?
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
I will take your word for it about Googling “Brazillian butt lift”
Kathy Kramer recently posted..Mental Health Awareness: Compulsive Hoarding
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Don’t do it, Kathy! It’s crazy. Apparently there is a butt cheek implant called the Brazil butt lift. Who knew?? Unfortunately, now I know.
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
I highly recommend the Xbox Kinect and their Zumba game. It’s a good workout.
Church and submission? I’d be wearing a dunce cap in the corner. {doh!}
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Haha!
I like to run and use the elliptical. Dvds are not as much of a mental escape for me.
ha! i love it! i tried jay johnson’s dallas cowboys cheerleaders workouts for all of a week, and… welll. there’s that. but hey, dvd’s make great coasters!
Susan recently posted..Hurricane Plants
Twitter: themommymess
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Dallas Cowboys huh? Haven’t seen that one. Probably best I missed that commercial!
Omg, I love the “it’s day 1, again”
I got sucked into watching the little ovens that cook the chickens. I loved shamwow. The worst for me was “royal…diamond…cookware!” I could watch that dude repeatedly.
WG
WilyGuy recently posted..One Terrifying Night
Twitter: themommymess
says:
So I totally Googled royal diamond cookware, b/c I have never heard of it. Then I got scared b/c it seems expensive. I keep replying to these comments with a word that I’m so thankful for ebay! We can sell of this crap we’ll never use to some other sucker!
Glad you appreciated that line about it being Day 1-AGAIN! Hee Hee
I’ve been at Day T-1 for far too long. Good on you for at least getting the DVD!
Kristin recently posted..Working Class Dog
Twitter: themommymess
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Thank God for ebay, b/c I’m sure I need to sell this and free up some space in my brain to think about other things.
Go, you sexy thing!
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Haha! I do realize that picture is NOT me, right? Hee Hee!
Oh, man! You’re a better woman than me and with any luck, after this program, you will also have a better butt. Here’s to falling into that hypnosis again and to it lasting those full 60 days!
Katie @ Chicken Noodle Gravy recently posted..We Are Young
Twitter: themommymess
says:
I would love to finish it and be on my way to Victoria’s Secret, but we’ll see. I actually did day 1, and yesterday I seriously COULD NOT WALK! LOL
I LOVE it! My nine year old got up earlier than I did one morning and came into my room, begging me to buy this for her
She had the exact same rationale that you did – convinced it would change her life. Then I watched the infomercial, and my husband had to talk us both out of it 
Musings of a Writer Mom recently posted..It’s Working
Twitter: themommymess
says:
9?? Bahahaha! Something is seriously wrong with that! Bless her heart! I feel her pain. I was sure these were life changing. Make to tell her notsomuch.
My butt survived the first pregnancy intact and upright. Something happened with the second and it drooped. I don’t know why it was different with the second. I stare down at it in shame now. I would’ve been pulled in by those commercials too.
Jennifer – Treading Water in the Kiddie Pool recently posted..The Snotty Schnoz
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Right now, all I’m staring at are the DVDs that I have not picked up today yet…
Those informercials are totally mesmerizing, I can see how you would have hypnotized in to buying it! Working out with kids around is impossible (Mine always want to climb on me. I mean, it’s good weight resistance I guess?) Good luck with the butt lifting!
Jill, Tales Of A Failed Crunchy Mom recently posted..The Room Where No Children Shall Pass
Twitter: themommymess
says:
They are mesmerizing!
Listen, instead of doing the DVD’s, just find a hot Brazilian guy to follow you around and hold your butt up. With his sensual hands. See how your husband likes THAT! Heck, I’ll do it for you. Us Cooter-Town residents gotta stick together.
Tracy @ Scribblesaurus Me recently posted..Wordless Wednesday – Faith
Twitter: themommymess
says:
Best idea yet! I’ll see how hubs feels about that. He’ll probably like the idea, as it will be free and not $75 down the drain!
I remember when I was breastfeeding in the middle of the night I would want to order all of the crap off infomercials.
Keep us posted if it works!
Anna recently posted..Gift for my dad
Twitter: themommymess
says:
If I actually do them! I did day on Tuesday. Could not walk yesterday…TBC
Oh my gosh, that’s too funny. Especially because I was hypnotized about five years ago in much the same way! Instead, it was Yoga Booty Ballet. I still have two of the DVDs from the set. When I bother to do them for any length of time longer than a month, they DO work. Until I stop doing them! lol
Good luck!
Nicole recently posted..Someone Get This Woman a New Camera!
Twitter: themommymess
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Thanks, girl! yoga booty ballet huh? LOL!!
There must be something hypnotic on the exercise DVDs! I swear I’ve been tempted to dial up the number for Insanity…clearly I’m insane.
I do hope your butt looks more Brazilian even after a week or so.
Jackie recently posted..Daddy Does It
Twitter: themommymess
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It’s funny they’re called “insanity” DVDS. duh?
Adrienne recently posted..Why Homeschool?
Perhaps you could do something else Brazilian-style to help wipe this from his memory?
Jay- The Dude of the House recently posted..Goodbye Grandma Fran
So funny! I’ve tried several of these DVD workout programs to no avail. I think I’ve been on Day 1 of the 30 day shred for hmmmm, 6 months maybe?! Good luck,
Paula recently posted..Miss Independent (x 2)
Hysterical! Thank you so much for sharing! I’m getting ready to start the “Brazil Butt Lift” on June 28th. We can encourage one another!
Whee! 
Brook Elaine recently posted..I Am…
Don’t settle for less! That cracked me up
I am going to start up again soon! I need to do something before I have to put on a bikini…ugh!
Natalie recently posted..Goodbye My Friend, Forever
Twitter: themommymess
says:
LOL! Thank God I sold them on eBay and never have to think about them again. I like running on the elliptical and yoga. Those seem to work for me. Good luck starting back up!!
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