It’s a monumental week at our house. My teenage son just got his first cell phone.
I shudder.
It was all my idea.
Just like it was my brilliant idea to let him get a Facebook page. Then, he was online, and I didn’t know who he was talking to, and I was all, “Why the heck did I let him set that account up?”
Prior to signing up the FB page, we went over all the rules of engaging in social media. All the rules I know of, anyway.
Last semester I tortured him with a webinar about internet safety. He snickered through the obvious reminders and looked like he was never going to forgive me for subjecting him to such torture. I’m sure he was just happy he didn’t have to look any of the other abused children in the face or talk to them ever again. Even though he complained a lot, I still felt like it was good to have someone other than me telling him how to be safe online. Plus, it was free and extra credit for his class. Yes, please.
We set up his FB account together, and went over all the privacy settings and so forth. Perhaps this is all helicopter mom-ish? I don’t know? I don’t really care. Then I threw him to wolves and panicked for days. What the hell was I thinking letting him set that damn account up? Just like that, he’s connected to the world.
He still has an account, and from what I can tell he’s pretty responsible with it. I creep his page a couple of times a week and there’s never anything exciting on there. So that’s good.
Then, I got this bright idea he should further be thrown into the world with the privilege of a cell phone. Now he texts his friends all day, and I have to wonder what they are talking about.
About five minutes ago hubs caught me reading his text messages and was all, “What are you doing?”
“Um, I’m checking to see if our child is behaving with his new found freedom. Duh.”
As he walked away laughing and shaking his head, I’m left wondering…
Is this normal behavior? Am I a psycho killer mom who should loosen up?
How do you monitor child’s cell phone? Facebook?
Do you monitor at all? Please tell me you do. If you don’t I might have a panic attack.
Please, school me.
Having teenagers is for the birds.
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You better believe I monitored that stuff, and it’s a darn good thing I did. I really can’t talk about it on my blog, but maybe one day I’ll write a piece about it. I’m a huge proponent of parental monitoring.
Liz @ A Nut in a Nutshell recently posted..Chipotle Tamale Pie
Twitter: themommymess
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Good! Glad I’m not neurotic. I hear nightmares about texting/facebook. He’s a good boy! I trust him, I’m just so sure about the rest of the world! And no matter how good he, I’m going to fool myself into thinking he’s not impressionable and naive!
Adrienne recently posted..Teens, Facebook, and Texting, Oh my.
Oh I am so not ready for Facebook and text messages. Fortunately for me my son is only 16 months old. I’m hoping by the time my son is a teen facebook will be no more, but then there will be something else .
Julia recently posted..Hardly Alone
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Oh yeah, I’m sure it will be something.
Adrienne recently posted..Teens, Facebook, and Texting, Oh my.
If I had a teen who had access to Facebook and a cell phone, hell yes, I’d be monitoring. Like, everysingleminute.
Which is why my boys are never getting onto Facebook or getting a cell phone. Ever.
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..This Is About Blogging . . . Sort Of
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Right! Every.single.minute. is about what time scale I’m on. I want him to be able to have such things, but I want him to learn to be responsible with them too. It’s tough letting them grow up a little. Sigh…
Adrienne recently posted..Teens, Facebook, and Texting, Oh my.
I don’t have kids but I will probably monitor. They’ll probably have cell phones and cars at an earlier age than I did too. Its because of life today, that’s all!
Julie recently posted..Making "his" ours
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Yup. Such is life. It’s hard to let him grow up though.
Adrienne recently posted..Teens, Facebook, and Texting, Oh my.
I don’t have teenagers just yet. I’m on the fence as to how much snooping and stalking I’ll do. My sister in law has the passwords to both her kids accounts and checks them regularly. I find it like a violation, especially since her kids don’t know when she is looking. For me, I would look but then let them know I have been looking. For me, I want to keep trust between me and my kids, but not let them run wild either.
It’s a fine line.
Tiffany recently posted..Hot off the Press!
Twitter: themommymess
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I don’t see it as a violation. He’s still a child and needs guidance. I’m very honest about my rules, and he knows I’m checking it whenever I want without warning. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to care. Which is great. It makes me feel better that he’s cooperative about the restrictions. I’m surprised that I’m so psycho about it, but not surprised I do it.
The way I look at, if they need to be warned before check their pages, there’s probably something on it that shouldn’t be there. Ya know?
Adrienne recently posted..Teens, Facebook, and Texting, Oh my.
Having survived the teenage years 3 times and coming out relatively unscathed … I would say you’re normal. I say snoop … BUT be honest about it! And be careful about holding your child responsible for what other kids say and do! I would just make him aware that as long as he is legally a minor, and you are responsible for his behavior, you WILL be monitoring his phone and internet use. And if he doesn’t care for that plan … he is welcome to abstain from using them until he is a responsible adult!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Was Morality Tossed Out With the Trash?
Twitter: themommymess
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Yes, I agree about the honesty! He knows that it’s part of the deal. It’s not him I don’t trust. It’s the rest of the world I could do without…I’d rather he knows he has parents that love and care about him enough to partner with him and keep him on the right track, than grow up thinking we could care less.
Hmm, I’m 19 and can’t remember my mom ever going over stuff like this with me. She’s not a computer/techy person. I set up my MySpace, Facebook and Twitter all because it was “cool” and my friends were doing it, but personally I knew that strangers lurked everywhere. I checked my privacy settings weekly and was pretty good about it. I got my first cell phone at 14, when I started having cheerleading practices that my mom couldn’t go to because of school. I was pretty responsible about it all. She never had anything to worry about because I was a goody goody. & I think that all lays within the child.
My sister, who’ll be 14 in December, is the complete opposite. And I think it’s funny because I’m the one all over her. Lurking her page and checking her messages (and even rat her out to my mom, because some of the stuff she shares is just insane). So, like I said, I think it all lays with the child. It comes down to trust.
Kudos to you, though, because I think it’s so important that parents check in on stuff like this!
Brittany recently posted..It’s How I Work
Twitter: themommymess
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Thanks Brittany! I think you’re right. It’s going to depend on the child. I made the choice to let him connect on FB and the cell phone, because he could use some help in the social area. We also homeschool, so I like that he can connect with his friends outside of our activities. I’d like to think that I’ve taught him enough to know right from wrong, and he’s a good kid. I trust him. I just don’t trust others. I think I’m going to continue to snoop his stuff. I’m honest about it. I’m not snooping behind his back. He knows it’s part of the deal.
Yes, monitor. Especially in the beginning. Once that stuff is on the social media it’s basically out there forever if someone chooses to share it… And text messages. They can go downhill fast and cause major problems. So yes. I see it as a safety/training period. And my teen knows it. She’s not allowed to delete messages without us. I thought I was being too much until hubby wanted to make sure I was still monitoring.
Heather@Creative Family Moments recently posted..Spy Test
Twitter: themommymess
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Yes, I think it’s totally necessary. Glad I’m not the only one!
I think you HAVE to monitor.
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say about Blogging
Because kids don’t really realize what they are doing. What exactly the ramifications of putting something that seems innocent to them out there.
Why I needed this in two comments, I don’t know. LOL
Shell recently posted..Things They Can’t Say about Blogging
Twitter: themommymess
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I totally agree. I do not think my son has the ability to understand the consequences of some of the horros stories I hear about. Even though I trust him, I don’t trust the rest of the world. He’s young and impressionable. Until he’s not, I will be monitoring!
My mom checked our cell phones growing up. I think it was a good idea, because people can so easily bully from behind a cell phone or computer screen (in fact, I was a victim of cyber bullying via aim before anyone really knew what it was yet!)
My mom still creeps on our facebook pages and my blog to make sure we aren’t putting too much out there or anything like that! If she doesn’t like what she sees on there she definitely asks questions about it and voices her opinion (and I’m all grown up now, living half way across the country and engaged to be married!) Because I know that she can see everything I post online (and so can my aunts and my fiance’s aunts and all of our cousins!), I am very aware of my online presence and making sure it is a positive representation and something I can be proud of!
So, that was a really long way of saying based on my experience, its a very good idea to be open about the dangerous side of the internet and cell phones and to monitor your child to make sure they are developing safe habits online!
Katie recently posted..A Week in the Life 2012: Thursday
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HAha! So funny your mom still creeps. It’s sort of sweet.
OMG, Adrienne! You are definitely NOT alone. My son is 14 and I monitor like crazy and told him I would be when we set up the Facebook and when he got his phone. He’s a pretty smart kid but still doesn’t get that when you put something in a text, anyone can read it or when he posts something on someone’s status, it goes out to everyone. He doesn’t post anything bad (stuff like, “she’s hot” or once in awhile he uses a completely inappropriate word for the word dumb) but it makes me crazy when he doesn’t think first. I always tell him, “Don’t text or post anything you would be embarrassed to say to my face.” In this age of technology, they still need to be guided because we can’t just give them the tools and then not teach them how to use them.
AnnMarie recently posted..Facebook and Friending
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It’s a tough stage, b/c I’m certain he doesn’t have the ability to think things through yet. But, so far so good. We have so much in common! SO glad we met!
When my kids reach the age-appropriate age for entering into social technology, you can bet your liver I’ll be watching them. =)
jessiebee recently posted..DIY Lemonade
Twitter: themommymess
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Haha! Yup. That’s how I feel, too.
My kids aren’t that old yet, but I do think I will monitor to some extent. What’s on there is public to their friends, so why shouldn’t it be public to me, too?
As for the texts, I can see myself skimming through them. I try to compare it to the phone calls I had for hours at a time in junior high. My mom didn’t hang on my every word, but I’m sure she let her ears wander a little bit just to check it.
angela recently posted..Awake
Twitter: themommymess
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Both of these scenarios are such good comparisons. Just think about those phone calls when we were young. So much of it was rambling and wasted time. That’s pretty much what his conversations seem to be. Thank God!
I think it’s perfectly okay to monitor Facebook accounts and cell phones! I am not there yet with my girls, but I think that parents have every right to know what’s going on in the lives of their children. I don’t think meddling unnecessarily is warranted, but keeping tabs to ensure that everyone is safe and doing things that are in line with your goals and values as a family is perfectly fine! I’m so nervous about the teenage years!
Jessica recently posted..Maternal Mortality|When Life After Birth is Not Promised
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Yes, I agree. Annoying snooping around is not really my style, but I believe in monitoring.
Twitter: 4hensandrooster
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The rule in this house is if you have a cellphone, it’s subject to random inspection. I must have all passwords to all accounts and if I try to log in and it’s been changed and I haven’t been updated, it’s gone. I’m also friends with them on Facebook and follow the one on Twitter (she’s in one of my lists so that I don’t lose track of her in my stream). I’ve busted her for less than “lady like” language and we had to have THAT chat. The second time I caught her with the bad language, she lost privileges. The funny thing is that a few of my friends follow her on Twitter, too so now I have extra eyes
. My bigger challenge is getting other parents to realize that they HAVE to be social media savvy. How can you know what your kids are doing if you don’t even have an account?? Great post!
Kristen Daukas recently posted..Extreme Sports – Afraid for Them or You