It’s hard having a teenager.

Raising a teen is one thing. I think raising a teen with Asperger’s is quite another.

Infamous adolescent behavior is beginning to rear it’s ugly head in our home, and I sit back and watch.

It’s like an out of body experience. I see it all happening. I see me standing in the kitchen agape and clueless. I try to tell her “It’s OK. He’s just hormonal.”, but I don’t think she can hear me.

Most days are an emotional roller coaster. One minute it’s the end of the world topped with an eye roll and attitude, the next minute it’s the best day ever with smiles and jokes I don’t get. The confusing jokes and smiles are usually timed inappropriately and come too soon after the attitude and eye roll. I mean, really. Can I get like five minutes to regroup from you hating me before I’m expected to laugh at a joke I don’t even understand?

Then, I’m the meanest mom in the world again, because I didn’t get it and I didn’t laugh. Enter eye roll and attitude…

I’m so confused. Does he love me or hate? I just can’t figure it out. 

Thanks to his quirks, you can multiply all that awkward timing by like 400. All the reminders you give a teen to clean up after themselves, get their schoolwork done, and handle regular everyday tasks without being nagged? Mulitply those reminders by 1,000. I get so aggravated.

It’s like Groundhog’s Day here everyday. Ya know? That movie with Bill Murray? He wakes up everyday and it’s the same day over and over. That’s me. I’m Bill Murray. Only I’m prettier and Asian and I’m not hot for Andie McDowell. But, in general that’s my life. I open my eyes and realize I have t do it all again.

Then, I feel awful for being frustrated, because I remember he’s a little different. He may not look different, but he is. I try to remind myself to not do what the word does to him, and forget that.

It’s hard to find the balance between raising a teenager and raising a teenager with quirks.

I know he has trouble with everyday things like organization, daily tasks, sensory issues get in the way of focus. I know all of this. But, I still have to prepare him for the world. What’s the balance between accommodating and enabling?

Because the bottom line? The world isn’t going to accommodate him. He has to learn to figure life out, and he has to figure it out without me.

It’s hard having a teenager. Period.

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Adrienne is a Florida homeschooling mom of two boys, follower of Jesus, and lover of words. She's an imperfect parent surviving on God's grace and mercy, lots of yoga, and regular doses of salty ocean air! Find her as @TheMommyMess on Twitter and connect with her on Facebook.

Comments

  1. says

    I imagine that having a 4 year old is much like having a teenager, just a little less severe. She hates me, she loves me, she disrespects me, she’s obedient. Children are just hard in general, and I don’t even want to think about her as a teenager. Maybe the Lord will come back before then :) You’re not horrible for feeling like you do though, because of the time…I feel the same.
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  2. says

    Oh my am I really not looking forward to the teenage days! I feel these swings enough now! Hang in there! It’s hard but an incredibly noble job.
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  3. says

    I hate that your having issues, I really do….I feel for those with teenagers, however, I’m relieved to know I’m not the only one. I was beginning to think it was MY problem. I didn’t believe it when everyone told me “that’s just how teenagers are.” My son is 16. He hates me. Loves me. Wants nothing to do with me. Doesn’t want me speaking to him. But he talks neverending to me at times. He’s tiresome. He’s a good kid….just becoming too independent for my liking, I suppose. I just came across your blog….can’t wait to read up. Hang in there…
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  4. says

    Adrienne, I can totally relate to your post. I also have a child with Aspergers and OCD. The teen years are had enough without these issues. My daughter is very bright and articulate, but sometimes I wonder if she will ever be able to live on her own. She is very lonely because she doesn’t relate well to kids her age so I am not only her mother, but her friend. She’s a wonderful kid and most of the time loves me, except when I nag too much. You want so much for you children, yet it’s hard to know when to let go and let them make their own decisions.

    • says

      I worry about my son’s older years too. Some days I wonder what it would be like if I wasn’t here. How would he manage? At this point, I’m glad he’s a late bloomer socially. But, I do want him to make some connections with a few kids. Especially, as a homeschooler! We have a few very close friends, but he needs more. Just one, really. One that he can totally connect with. Ya know? My son and I have a great time, except of course when he’s mad at me. Sigh…It’s not easy. That’s for sure. I’m glad you came by and shared. It’s always so nice to know we’re not doing this alone!

  5. says

    I know I am totally late in responding to this but I just realized we used the same comparison with the Ground Hog Day movie without knowing each other very well! How weird is that? We are totally on the same page!
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