Homeschool seems to be one of those topics that brings all sorts of opinions and emotions.
It’s a lot like being pregnant. When you’re pregnant, the only thing people want to talk to you about is being pregnant. By your 9th month, you’re so sick of talking about pregnancy that you’re afraid you might punch the next person to mention it to you in the face. I mean, do you really need the reminder that you’re as big as a house, and you feel like your baby is about to fall out of your vagina? Did I really just say that? If you know someone that’s pregnant. Please, talk to her about something else today. I’m sure it will make her day.
Much like the topic of pregnancy, the topic of homeschool does something to people. It strikes a nerve. Oddly, complete strangers will share their uninvited opinions and ask you all the textbook questions you’ve answered so many times that you’re thinking of printing out a Q&A. That really would come in handy the next time I’m at Wal-Mart during traditional school hours.
Stranger in Wal-Mart: {insert creepy inquisitive tone} Well, hello boys. Don’t you have school today?
My oldest: We ain’t got no school. (He thinks it’s really funny to pretend he’s uneducated for creepy strangers. I do not agree.)
Me: Here’s a copy of our family’s answers to all of your questions. Enjoy.
I have a love/hate relationship with the label “homeschool” family.
I love the label for all that it means to me and my family. To us the label is evidence of what God can do you in your life when you least expect it. I love it because it’s a stage of life that I’m at with my boys that I love and wish I could freeze. I love it because it’s a reminder that our family is a team and we’re in this life together. I love it because it reminds me that I let go of so many insecurities in order to do what’s best for my children, regardless of what others think. In one word? I feel liberated. Free. I guess that’s two words, but whatever.
But sometimes? I hate the label “homeschool” family.
I hate it because of the misconceptions people have about me and my kids when they hear it. I hate it because there’s no way anyone would ever be able to understand our decision to homeschool without going through what we have with our son. I hate it because one word doesn’t even begin to tell you how homeschool has been a huge factor in my son’s progress. I hate it because, most of the time I run out of energy to tell you what I wish you could see beyond the label you hear.
One word doesn’t tell you about all the sleepless nights I lay awake worrying that my boys are getting all the education they need. It isn’t going to tell that on a weekly basis I have that homeschool mom worry. I have to constantly ask myself, “Is this still what’s best for them?” One word doesn’t tell you about all the prayers I’ve prayed for direction, wisdom, and guidance as a parent and teacher. One word just doesn’t even begin to describe the blood, sweat, and tears I’ve put into this journey. One word doesn’t tell you that sometimes I wonder if we made the right choice.
I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t have worries. I would be lying if I told you I never have doubts in my own abilities as a teacher. But, even though these thoughts and worries creep up from time to time, we always come back to homeschool. It works for us and my boys are thriving. Do I even need to mention that I’m in my pajamas right now and that “car line” is a term of the past?
One word doesn’t tell you about the science experiments we did this week, or the joy I have when I see that my first grader is reading chapter books on his own. One word doesn’t tell you the peace I have when I see my oldest son smile, because he didn’t use to do that. One word doesn’t begin to describe what it’s like to see the joy of learning sucked right out of your kid and replaced with fear and anxiety. One word isn’t going to begin to tell you how it feels to see that sparkle in his eyes return with a fresh curiosity and a new love for school.
But one simple word isn’t going to tell you all of that.
Although homeschool has been an amazing journey for our family, I’m not about to judge you for your choice to keep your children in public school, or Montessori learning, or private school… Just because I homeschool my children doesn’t mean I’m going to bang you over the head with my Bible and tell you to do the same.
You see, one word could not possibly describe my family. Or yours.
That’s the thing with labels. They’re just words.
We made the choice to homeschool our boys and it’s what works best for our family.
We love it. But, sometimes I hate the label.
This post was inspired by Just.Be.Enough.
“It is time to look past the obvious for ourselves and our families. We’re inviting posts from voices everywhere to share your labels and who you are beyond that. The focus is whatever you need it to be– from our lives as moms, dads, parents, spouses, professionals, survivors, athletes and more. We invite you to join us, to celebrate our strengths, to celebrate our diversity, to celebrate our voices and change the conversation.” ~Elena, founder of Just.Be.Enough.
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Oh man, doesn’t sound like your son is helping you “justify” your choice of homeschooling. But, wow, it is funny. I have thought often of homeschooling, and weighed the choices often, but ultimately chose to said my son to a nontraditional public school. Yes, homeschooling brings up stereotypes in everyone’s heads, yet the choice is being taken more and more and I imagine those images will really begin to shift in the next few years.
Jacki recently posted..Get Moving and Create a Unicorn Life
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Oh he is a riot! And you’re right. It is much more mainstream than it used to be, but we still get those judgmental people.
I worry I don’t do enough with Jellybean and he gets lessons twice a day at day care. I don’t think there is a parent out there who feels like they have it all right!
Diana recently posted..PYHO – Everyone Doesn’t Need to Know
Twitter: themommymess
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I guess that’s better than not caring. Right?
Jellybean! He’s so darn cute!
Homeschool is a good label to tie with proud. It sounds like your boys are making you one proud mama!! That is very worth it
Tania Elfersy (@PurpleLeavesRed) recently posted..Starting Out Small
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Thank you so much! It is so worth all the sweat and tears!
Twitter: experbadmom
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So well-written! I loved all the reasons you love homeschooling. And thank you for not judging others for their schooling choices. As I travel around the blogosphere more these days, I really feel like I’m getting educated more about homeschooling and losing any misconceptions I had about it.
Katy @ Experienced Bad Mom recently posted..Things I Regret Teaching My Children
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I had a ton of misconceptions myself! I would have never thought in a million years this is where God would have me. But, it is. And I love it!
I was homeschooled from 8th grade until graduation…whenever people ask me where I went to high school, and I reply that I was homeschooled, I always get this look. It’s like, “Ohhhh, you’re one of those kids.” I automatically, always, want to defend myself…even if they don’t say anything.
People react to it differently, because it is different…just like being pregnant is different. People naturally want to know more, or act like they know more.
Samantha recently posted..Two Years Later – P90X Transformation
Twitter: themommymess
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That’s a good way to look at it. You’re probably right, too. For the most part people are curious. But they often have a weird way of showing it!
we homeschool some but not others in our house. I hate the comments people make
annemarie (@YLMBreadless) recently posted..Frustrated and Angry
Twitter: themommymess
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People can be so weird about it. Especially other family members. They’re more opinionated than random strangers. We’re the only people in our family (both sides) that HS, and some of the adults in the family are PS educators, so it’s always fun.
This was great! Strangers can be so intrusive sometimes. I think it is great that you homeschool your boys. It might be in our future. I don’t know right now. I’m thinking not, but posts like yours do get me thinking!
Kelley recently posted..Finding the Funny: Who’s coming with me to Nashville to sing El Virus?
Everyone needs to make the decision for their own families and decide what works for them. It’s so annoying to have strangers think we owe them explanations for our parenting decisions!
LOL @ your oldest’s answer!
Shell recently posted..Pour Your Heart Out: Why I’ve Been Quiet about Autism Awareness Month
Twitter: themommymess
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He cracks me up! He has an amazing sense of humor. I just wish it would mature a little. His timing is terrible! He has no filter. Yesterday he told another mom that he thinks it’s “kind of ironic that Moby Dick is a sperm whale.” Really, kid??!! Geesh!
Adrienne recently posted..Beyond My Family’s Label
It’s so easy for people to judge and go tsk tsk, isn’t it? Your decisions for your family is just that – YOURS. People should mind their own beeswax!
Alison@Mama Wants This recently posted..It’s a Baby Shower!
Parenting is hard enough without having everyone judge every one of the choices we make that is best for our family. I know people are just curious but they really have no frame of reference having met us 30 seconds ago. I’m sure my kids’ teachers wish I homeschooled since I am up their butt about so many things. I am actually jealous of moms that homeschool. I know it is a calling. We should spend less time judging and more time celebrating each other’s choices. Great post!
AnnMarie recently posted..Welcome to the Infirmary!
As a veteran of homeschooling let me just say … AMEN!!!!!!
Beth Zimmerman recently posted..Design Dilemmas
Sometimes people should just keep comments to themselves. Life is hard enough that one shouldn’t worry about anothers life. Great post!
Julie recently posted..Making "his" ours
Totally laughing at what your older son said to the creepy guy. And to each their own…I wish I had patience for home schooling..so way to go!
Jenny recently posted..Loving and Loss
You do what’s best for you, and it ain’t nobody’s business.
Greta recently posted..I’m Not A Hairstylist, But I Play One On TV.
I think homeschooling has come soooo far in the last decade, maybe it’s the rise of the internet which has made exam taking, curriculums, ideas, blogging etc etc possible, that I don’t even have a stereotype of who homeschools. In fact I never did but as a child I only knew of three different families who had homeschooled, two gave up it for various reasons after primary level and the other one’s children at 16 were severely restricted in their social and language skills as well as limited in their future options because of it. Sad but true. But it doesn’t have to be the truth, it’s not the case for everyone. Do what’s best for you and your family, you know your own pros and cons and make the best and most of the experience. Well that’s true of everything isn’t it?!
idiosyncratic eye recently posted..Trifecta: Confidence
I agree homeschooling has come so far with technology and community resources. I would say my 4 y/o is ‘semi-homeschooled.’ He attends our local school 2-3 days a week & is home the rest. Home is where he learns about vikings, molecules, chemisty, and dinosaurs. We use our local community programs constantly (i.e. free ‘preschool program’ for parents and children). This has done him a world of good – we tried the regular school schedule & he was so stressed and anxious it was unbearable for all. Ironically, both my husband & I are educators in the public education system. Next year, hubby will stay home with our son.
Angela recently posted..My Husband is Superman
Twitter: themommymess
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I agree! It has come a long way. Unfortunately, there’s still those that put on their judgy pants. It sounds like you have some fun things going on at your place! Good for you!
I can see how the label feels restricting to you, because so many people feel so strongly (one way or the other) about homeschooling in general. You’ve done such a great job of articulating the breaking down of the label here, but I really wish you didn’t have to do that. You’re doing what’s best for your family, and people should accept that and take their preconceptions elsewhere.
angela recently posted..Awake
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It is hard sometimes, but I have a peace knowing we’re doing the right thing, and that’s all that matters.
You took the words right out of my mouth – but ones that I have a hard time saying so eloquently. We recently pulled our daughter out of the public school system, and although most days I feel like we made the right decision, I find it hard dealing with people’s reaction to our choice. Even though they seem interested in knowing my reasons, there is also a very judgmental tone to their words – one that is very hard to get used to. Going against what is accepted as ‘traditional schooling’ can be difficult, but we are seeing everyday that it is worth it! It is always nice finding others who are in the same boat…so thank you for sharing!
Kim recently posted..Labour Pains and Glory
Twitter: themommymess
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Thanks for sharing your story too, Kim. It’s hard when we question ourselves enough. The last thing we need is others doing it too.