The week is here. The one week a month where I turn into a mega momzilla, gain 5 lbs of water weight, cry for no reason, remain easily irritated, have a sensitivity to light and sound which make it impossible for my family members to move breathe without me getting aggravated with them. That week!
So in the spirit of all things…”Whatever, I’m on my period” here are the top 10 reason why it stinks to be a woman!
10 REASONS WHY IT STINKS TO BE A WOMAN!
(Well, really 11 reasons. Somehow I ended up with 2 #5s so there’s 11 reasons, and I’m leaving it just like that in the celebration of not being perfect. Bonus!)
1. We only get one good week a month. Two weeks are spent recovering from the week I’m currently in, and the other week is spent preparing for it. That leaves one good week! Most of you (well, all of you!) are familiar with PMS. I have my own acronym for these 3 little letters. PMS (or pre mentral syndrome) is also known as Prepare for Mom to Snap! This is a week of mental preparation for the whole family. During this week you begin to make excuses for irrational behavior. It’s a free ticket to be smack crazy! Even though your right mind may still be in there, we just assume it’s all about to turn into mush, so why put in the effort. So you start talking about how you have PMS, and begin with the routine somewhat early just because you know it’s coming.
The two weeks following the period are known as the recovery weeks. The first week after is the good week. Enjoy it while it lasts. You can think again. Just like the Claritin commercials. Everything is clear. There might be some clean up to do. Maybe a straggling blemish (but nothing a bit of cover up can’t handle). Overall you feel good. You can wear your jeans again. You begin to examine your life and make the list. The I-need-to-change-these-things-about-myself-because-I-can-think-clearly-now list. But, then…
Things start to get hazy. Wait-my good week went to fast! You’re not quite sure what it is. You can’t put your finger on it. It can’t be PMS. You just got off your period. Hmmm…weird. You begin to have thoughts of pursuing counseling because it can’t be PMS that’s causing this mood you’re in. Maybe you’re really crazy?
Then you sucumb to the prepartion. It must be PMS. At least you know PMS is coming, so you might as well get ready.
Then before you know it…you’re there. THE worst week has come, and all your hard work is thrown out the window-AGAIN!
And so the cycle starts again…recovery, preparation, the crap week, and the one good week…
2. Our list means nothing. Ya know that list I mentioned above. The one where you make a metal note of all the things you want to do to make yourself a better person, wife, and mom? Well, you make some headway throughout the month. Things are looking up, and then WAM! The bad week comes, and all the effort you put in is scrapped! Back to the drawing board. You worked so hard to control emotions, be patient, loving, kind, blah, blah, blah. Then you have one bad week where you cannot control yourself, and it’s like the nice mom and wife was never home. Nobody remembers her. Sigh…
How can I say this next one with class? Maybe I can’t…
3. Men think we should dish out favors during our worst week. What is up with this? The one week I want to be as far away from my husband as humanly possible is the week he thinks he should get something for nothing (I’m trying to be tasteful. Can’t we all talk about this stuff? I totally would if you were my IRL close friend, so whatever! I’m talking about it.) I’m not going to go into detail, but I think you can follow along. This is annoying! If we had the flu or a fever they would not do this. Husbands, please leave us alone. We don’t feel good.
4. Men get hotter, we got older! Why, God? Why? My husband is looking hotter than ever. He’s pushing 40. I’m only 32, and I swear I need a face lift. My metabolism has decided to take a dive into senior citizen mode, and I am having to learn new eating habits, work out, and actually make an effort to be healthy. All of this just to feel good, not actually look any better.
5. Cooking! I can cook. I actually like doing it for other people that do not live in my home. I just would rather do something else M-F. It’s exhausting. My kids are too picky have always had too many choices and therefore don’t like anything that’s good for them, and my husband can’t eat anything that has cholesterol(which is EVERYTHING), and I would just rather starve then make 4 meals. Take out, anyone?
5. Cleaning! Just know this: I usually hate to say “sucks”. My kids are not allowed to say it, and I don’t like to use the word either. I’m kind of a prude when it comes to bad words, and so forth. But sometimes there just isn’t a better descriptive word. Some things just suck. Like cleaning! No one will ever pick up after themselves. Everything I clean will be dirty tomorrow, and I will wake up and do it all over again. Why?
6. The pressure to be a perfect wife, mom, cook, and housekeeper sucks. During my mentally healthy weeks week I take great pride in my homemaking skills, and consider it a job I love and enjoy. Today, not so much. I try to honor God in making my home a happy place to be. I am kind of a perfectionist and this can be my worst enemy here at home. Things just never seem clean enough, organized enough, calm enough, structured enough, and it’s all my job to change it. The pressure can be too much sometimes!
7. There are no jeans for us! The days of being a zero are gone for me. I’m OK with my body(most days). I would love to wear my old jeans for the sole purpose that they cost me hundreds of dollars, and I don’t have time or effort OR money to find new ones, but that’s not going to work b/c they no longer fit me. However, jean shopping is down right depressing! I don’t want mom jeans, and I would also like to keep my butt crack to myself. Impossible! Why has our society grown to accept butt crack everywhere. Seriously. I can be leaning down to tie a sweet little shoe lace, pull down on my overly lengthy top, which doesn’t help, and unbeknownst to me-bam! Butt crack. No one seems to care though?? It’s totally acceptable. Why???? Please someone design a jean for us.
8. Our bras are a hoax! At least mine is. Instead of a boob job I wear a Victoria’s Secret Bra that holds form, and just looks like I actually have breasts. Anybody?
9. We have to be the link between our family and our husband’s family. Why don’t men talk to their own parents and siblings? If it wasn’t for me we would never see or talk to my husband’s family. I’m the communicator, the link. It can be a big job. I have my own extended family to deal with. A little help, please?
10. We are our own worst enemy. Sometimes it seems like noone dislikes us more than ourselves. Annoying! Come on, ladies. We have got to love ourselves. Love our hips, love our hair, love our boobs, love every flaw, love our whole selves. When does that start happening?
When I come back, I’ll be in a better mood.